Anxiety Success Stories: Rachel Goes From Being Afraid of Her Own Mind & Body to Experiencing Lots More Peace
Rachel took my Panic to Peace program back in January of 2024. She struggled for over a decade with feeling unsafe in her own body, being afraid of her thoughts and feelings, and derealization. And when she joined the program, she had just experienced the darkest time in her recovery journey.
Before Panic to Peace, Rachel felt unsafe in her own body. Simple tasks like driving to work or going to the grocery store became overwhelming. She wasn’t afraid of the places themselves—she was afraid of her own anxiety. Rachel had tried everything—therapy, lifestyle changes, various coping mechanisms—but nothing seemed to provide lasting relief.
One of the most impactful things Rachel learned was that it’s okay to feel anxiety. No one had ever told her that before, and she had spent years trying to get rid of it. This shift in mindset allowed Rachel to stop fighting her anxiety and start living alongside it. By accepting her feelings instead of rejecting them, she found that the intensity of her anxiety began to lessen.
It was amazing to hear the progress Rachel is making every day. She can drive an hour and a half to visit my family, something that used to fill her with dread, and even went on a week-long beach vacation—something she never thought she'd be able to do again. While Rachel is not where she wants to be yet, she's so much further along than she ever thought possible. I am so proud of her!
After lots of dedication, consistent healthy steps, and a commitment to feeling her feelings, Rachel is living a life with lots more peace and a whole lot less limitations! Tune into the full episode for lots of inspiration, hope, and tips!
And if you’ve been reading this and can relate to the struggle, it’s time to take action! The doors to my 10-week program Panic to Peace will be opening very soon. If you're ready to say goodbye to the anxious thoughts, symptoms, panic attacks, and fears and create a healthy relationship with anxiety that lasts, make sure you're on my waiting list!
Feeling like you've tried everything but you're still struggling with lots of anxious thoughts, symptoms, panic attacks, and fears? Take my FREE 60-minute masterclass today and learn 5 shifts that will actually help you to overcome anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. And I promise, you won't hear any of the usual stuff from me - like doing breathing exercises, grounding practices, cutting out caffeine, and doing more exposures. Let's get you the peace and freedom you deserve without it being so hard!
Check out my masterclasses here and start experiencing lots more peace, joy, & freedom!
TRANSCRIPT
00:01.93
ahealthypush
All right, I have another really exciting conversation ahead. I have Rachel with me, and she it's it was a Panicked Fee student of mine. And she took the program in January 2024. We wrapped in April 2024. And now we're sitting down to have this conversation in June 2024. So I am so excited to have you here, Rachel. Welcome to the podcast.
00:29.60
Rachel
Thank you. I'm very excited.
00:34.18
Rachel
um
00:34.90
ahealthypush
This is gonna be so good. I know everyone that comes on, they're always like, I am so nervous. I'm like, Yeah, of course you are. Like you're sharing your story with the world. So that makes sense.
00:43.35
Rachel
Yeah.
00:45.01
ahealthypush
Like, well, we'll go easy on you.
00:46.97
Rachel
Okay. Perfect.
00:50.49
ahealthypush
Alright, so let's start just tell us a little bit about you.
00:50.95
Rachel
All right.
00:54.50
ahealthypush
Like who's Rachel?
00:56.19
Rachel
Okay, so I am 30 years young. um I live in Virginia with my husband and cats. um I work for a homeowners association. I do like a events and when people sell their homes, I inspect their homes. I'm not really sure how I got into that business. um it's It's like better now that I'm like
01:28.22
Rachel
in a better spot mentally but it's definitely been like a job that took some like getting used to especially having like a panic disorder with doing events and a million people asking you like what do I what do I do with this or that um but yeah I I'm a full-time college student um as well um I don't really know what else should I just
01:46.89
ahealthypush
yeah
01:56.47
ahealthypush
and just doing it all.
02:00.37
Rachel
Yeah, pretty much. um but Yeah.
02:06.04
Rachel
and don't I don't know what to say about me.
02:06.81
ahealthypush
Um, okay, so let's hit pause for a sec.
02:09.18
Rachel
Okay.
02:09.34
ahealthypush
I so I don't like the the quality like the audio quality is not great. And it's probably are you doing it on your cell phone?
02:18.55
Rachel
Yes.
02:22.11
ahealthypush
Yeah. I don't know. I don't want to like go and record the whole episode and then have it not come out good because it's on your cell phone. I don't think like typically it's cell phones just don't have enough like capacity to keep up with like it it has to record and maintain like all the audio.
02:37.21
Rachel
Okay. Yeah.
02:41.46
ahealthypush
um I'm assuming you don't have like a laptop or something with you.
02:42.09
Rachel
It keeps lagging.
02:45.55
Rachel
I do actually, I can see if I can send it to my laptop.
02:46.13
ahealthypush
Yeah.
02:49.84
ahealthypush
ah
02:54.24
ahealthypush
Yeah, if we could so I can always email if that's your work laptop.
02:54.47
Rachel
The other thing is, this is like a work.
02:58.37
Rachel
Yeah, if you could send it to my work email, and then maybe if I can, yeah. If I could open it in a browser, it's like a work laptop, so I can't download the app like specifically. So I don't know if this...
03:12.62
ahealthypush
Oh yeah, that's okay. You should just be able to click on the link and it will like it just uses your internet browser. it shouldn't You shouldn't have to like download or install anything,
03:19.56
Rachel
Okay.
03:23.19
Rachel
Yeah, we can do it that way, yeah because I noticed that I was like lagging, so that's like I kept getting distracted. I'm like, all right, well, I'm like lagging.
03:31.27
ahealthypush
Yeah, yeah, it it definitely I'm like, oh my gosh, that will just make me nervous that like we'll record and then be 20 minutes in and it just like isn't, you know, you can't really hear it.
03:41.06
Rachel
Yeah. Okay.
03:43.19
ahealthypush
um Okay, so do you want to go out on your phone and then come back in your laptop once like don't rush, but just once you come back in, we'll we'll start from your laptop.
03:54.29
Rachel
Yeah, that's fine.
03:58.24
ahealthypush
Okay.
03:59.31
Rachel
All right. I will, I can, I think I have the link in my personal emails. I can forward it to myself.
04:07.98
ahealthypush
Do you want me to email it? Like, is it easier if I email it to you?
04:11.90
Rachel
Yeah, that's fine. I can give you my email. know
04:16.00
ahealthypush
Okay. Let me.
04:20.40
ahealthypush
All right.
04:22.88
Rachel
All right.
04:23.38
ahealthypush
Go ahead. and
04:25.81
Rachel
It's R H E S S at A F as in form H O A dot net.
04:33.64
ahealthypush
Yep.
04:41.75
ahealthypush
so Let me know if you don't see it. You should get it in a second.
04:54.71
Rachel
Okay. Also, should I say like where I'm from? Or like, does that matter? Like when I introduce myself? It's like, I don't want to.
05:11.99
ahealthypush
Yeah, you don't you don't have to. It's entirely up to you. Some people do. Some people don't. Some people like don't really share much personal stuff. Some people share like a lot.
05:21.66
Rachel
ah Okay.
05:22.00
ahealthypush
it doesn't you know Obviously, people are most interested in like the anxiety stuff. So it's up to you.
05:26.92
Rachel
for sure. Okay. Alright, I got the link so I'll get off here and then join back on my laptop.
05:32.64
ahealthypush
OK, cool.
05:34.04
Rachel
Alright, bye.
05:42.47
ahealthypush
Okay.
00:01.94
Rachel
Hello.
07:09.93
ahealthypush
Hey, oh, that even sounds better.
00:05.92
Rachel
Awesome.
07:14.36
ahealthypush
Yay. Okay, yeah, it's definitely going much more smoothly. Phew, that makes me feel better.
00:14.02
Rachel
Yeah, I was kind of nervous originally about using my phone. I'm like, I wonder if a lot of you will use your phone or like.
07:27.73
ahealthypush
yeah i think i had one person before to try and i was like oh this is gonna work and sometimes too even with like the air pods people will wear those and it just i'm like it doesn't sound right like can you please just take them out um maybe maybe okay let me actually i i don't even know what i was thinking zoom and we'll go with the eight minutes
00:35.36
Rachel
I had my AirPods in so that could have been it as well.
07:59.02
ahealthypush
Why is it saying?
08:02.68
ahealthypush
Oh, it's just saying you the old you is like, it's not working. It's fine.
00:59.86
Rachel
exactly
08:07.13
ahealthypush
Okay. All right. I'll start in a second.
08:13.02
ahealthypush
All right. I am super excited to have another panic to peace student here with me. And Rachel took the program at the beginning of January, 2024. the program wrapped in April, 2024. And we are sitting down now in June, 2024, having this conversation and Rachel's gonna share her story and we're just gonna hear like what her anxiety journey has looked like. So Rachel, hello, I'm so happy you're here with me.
01:35.87
Rachel
Hello, I'm very excited to be here. I definitely didn't expect to be on here, but I am very grateful.
08:52.54
ahealthypush
Yeah, I am so happy. like When you started the program, I was just like, oh my gosh, this is like i I feel like I connected with you pretty quickly. And then you stuck with it, like showed up consistently as much as you could while you'll share while working, going to school, like all the craziness.
02:02.52
Rachel
yeah
09:10.90
ahealthypush
But you were just so committed and it really like showed. So let's just start with tell us a little bit about you.
02:11.39
Rachel
Okay. Um, yeah, so I'm 30 years old. I'm married, no kids, only cats.
09:28.44
ahealthypush
Something so many of us have in common in the panic-defuse community.
02:21.67
Rachel
i Yes. Our cat children.
09:33.30
ahealthypush
so So many cats.
02:29.33
Rachel
Um, yeah, I work full-time. Like you said, I'm an events coordinator, um, slash home inspector, and I go to school full-time, um, getting my degree in American history. And so busy life.
09:49.14
ahealthypush
Ugh. Yeah, yeah, doing all the things. So when you joined back in January, I'm curious, like what prompted you to be like, okay, maybe this is something I needed.
02:55.07
Rachel
Ah, geez. So back in June, or when I joined, not June's June now, um one year ago before I joined, I,
10:14.25
ahealthypush
Yeah.
03:08.44
Rachel
was in the darkest place of like my anxiety that I've ever been. like I had gotten to a point where I just like wasn't necessarily like afraid to go places. I was just so afraid of my own anxiety and consumed just every part of me.
10:28.83
ahealthypush
Mmm.
03:26.25
Rachel
like I was like having panic attacks driving, which I'm i'm not afraid of driving, but it was just I could not escape the emotions that I was having in any sort of like pressure on me just made me like snap in any situation. And so of course like anyone else I just started researching like anything and everything that I could do to make my anxiety go away because that's of course of what we all want.
11:05.97
ahealthypush
Right.
03:59.08
Rachel
What's the magic feel?
11:08.83
ahealthypush
Yep. What's the magic thing that's going to make me all better?
04:03.50
Rachel
yeah Yeah like
11:11.19
ahealthypush
Yeah.
04:06.42
Rachel
And so I immediately just adobe to therapy again. And I mean, thank God for Instagram algorithm, because I came across to your videos and I resonated like so hard, like with you, just how you said, like you've been dealing with it, like for so, you had dealt with it for so long and, and then you finally like were recovered and I'm like, well, whatever she did, like I won't.
11:41.37
ahealthypush
Right.
04:35.22
Rachel
I don't care what it is or what I have to do. Like I want to try it. Like what, like what else could hurt? Like, you know, I've done everything. I've tried every supplement, every diet, cutting like sugars out, just working out, journaling everything and just, and just kept circling back to like the same things. Like it'd work for like maybe a day or two, but then it just,
12:07.12
ahealthypush
Mm hmm.
05:02.16
Rachel
I'd get to a point again where it's like, I can't ah can't do this. and so
12:13.32
ahealthypush
Yeah. Something that you said is so interesting that like you weren't you were really just afraid of your own anxiety. like That really is honestly at the core of it for everyone. like They're afraid of feeling. and It's just so great that you have that awareness of like, I know what's going on here. And like, I want to fix it. um What June was like the last June, right? 2023 was like where everything sort of came to a head. But like, what did your journey with anxiety look like before that? Was it just like, abrupt? Like, Oh, my gosh, I'm all of a sudden struggling or has anxiety been in the picture for some time?
05:51.51
Rachel
Uh, yeah, it was not abrupt. I come from like a family of like childhood trauma and things like that. And so, um, the guys raised in a very religious kind of strict family. Um, and so I just never realized like my entire life, I had been like such a people pleaser and just, I. always wanted to please my parents and I'd make myself sick and things like that if I didn't get like the affirmation of love from them that I thought I needed.
13:30.66
ahealthypush
Silence. Silence.
06:30.47
Rachel
um And then I when I was 18, I dated someone who was like extremely like mentally and physically abusive and from there I like that was like my first like break I guess you want to call it where I like truly realized like okay like I have some things that I need to work on and I this guy was just so abusive like he wouldn't let me go anywhere like without him and so I spent like three months inside my house and so like after that moment I kind of just wasn't ever the same and so I'd say like since I was like 18
07:13.73
Rachel
is when I like truly realized like, okay, like something is different or yeah, I don't like this feeling.
14:29.13
ahealthypush
Yeah, something's going on.
07:27.41
Rachel
Also just generational trauma.
14:37.46
ahealthypush
here
07:31.26
Rachel
I realized that I had um a lot of that. And so, yeah.
14:46.29
ahealthypush
Yeah, so I mean, you know, that's a That's over a decade right to be struggling. When you were 18, how did the anxiety start manifesting for you? like Was it usually panic attacks, or how did it how did it come up for you?
07:57.13
Rachel
I feel like I was like really scared to admit this but now I feel like it was more of like I don't know about derealization or um things like that but it'd be like I'm here but like not here and I am just like in a constant state of like
15:17.45
ahealthypush
Yeah.
08:14.41
Rachel
thinking about the future that I couldn't be in my present body.
15:26.42
ahealthypush
Mmhmm.
08:19.54
Rachel
And so I never had until like this past summer, like panic attacks per se, but like I would always just feel unsafe in my own like skin, just un uncomfortable, like not secure in who I was at all.
15:36.88
ahealthypush
Mmhmm.
08:36.48
Rachel
Just always fearful of everything.
15:47.04
ahealthypush
Yeah. It's so crazy, right, going through everything that you've been through, you've experienced, like you shared, right, some traumas, and that's sort of exactly what that does, right, is it makes you feel unsafe. It makes you feel like you can't trust your body, like you can't trust yourself.
08:57.67
Rachel
Mhm.
16:04.83
ahealthypush
And yeah, of course, this is what you're experiencing with everything that you went through. like That made so much sense. And I know you are have so much wisdom and knowledge. And like I could see this throughout the program. like Things would come up and you'd be like, OK, I need to look deeper into this. What were some of the things that you really feel like started to help you really work on the anxiety stuff? Because like you said for you, it was like it did show up going places and and that sort of thing, but it was more just you were afraid of the anxiety.
09:32.44
Rachel
Yeah, I would tell my husband that like all the time. they I'm not afraid of anything. I'm afraid of like my own mind. like That's it.
16:47.53
ahealthypush
Yeah.
09:41.38
Rachel
for like If someone said that you could jump out this plane and like not be like in your head, I'd be like, okay, let's do it. But like it's my own mental state that I was just so afraid of.
17:04.74
ahealthypush
Was it like thoughts?
09:58.06
Rachel
but
17:05.66
ahealthypush
like were Were you having a lot of like mental chatter that was going on that was really scary?
10:04.22
Rachel
Definitely. It was just like, Oh, what about this? Like, what if, what about this or what about that? Like you don't feel safe. Like, like, um, just like, I think a lot of the deer, like, is it called deer realization or like, you just feel like you're there, but like not there.
17:26.83
ahealthypush
Yeah.
10:19.99
Rachel
Yeah. That's like, that was the biggest thing is like, I, I guess felt like I could lose control or just, Yeah, but I also had like the constant like mental chatter of like, you're not good enough, you're not like people are looking at you like, you need to do that, do better, be better, like things like that.
17:38.92
ahealthypush
Yeah.
10:43.12
Rachel
And so yeah, but yeah, to answer your question, I like actually wrote down like the one thing that just like completely like changed my mind with anxiety in this program.
17:50.52
ahealthypush
Gotcha. Gotcha.
10:55.76
Rachel
And it's crazy because I've spent years like in therapy and It's been great because they've taught me like skills on how to like cope, but like you told us like it's okay to feel.
18:12.81
ahealthypush
Mm hmm.
11:10.69
Rachel
like that To feel like my emotions, that was like the biggest like game changer for me because no one had ever said, like you know, Rachel, you don't always have to be happy.
18:29.79
ahealthypush
Hmm.
11:23.48
Rachel
like It's okay to feel like sadness or be afraid or have anxiety. like You don't have to make these parts of you go away. You just have to feel it and be like, I can still live my life and feel these emotions too. Like, it's okay.
18:50.83
ahealthypush
Yeah, because that's so much of why we struggle for so long, right? Is that we are not allowing ourselves to feel and it's like anxiety is this emotion like all of our other ones, right? And it's really tricky because it of course causes you to have some thoughts and some very real feelings and then it creates some fears and all the things but anxiety isn't something that we can make go away. It's like we can't force it out. We have to allow ourselves to actually be with it, to feel it, and to work through it in healthy ways.
12:12.59
Rachel
Thank
19:24.95
ahealthypush
And that's, you know, so much of why we struggle for so long because like you, I also was fighting it every second of every day.
12:18.81
Rachel
you.
19:35.24
ahealthypush
Like I can't feel this way. You know, I always say like you were talking about the the dissociation sort of symptoms. I too experienced that, right? And I would always be like, No, no, no, no, this is not okay. I can't feel this way. Like this feels awful. I feel like I don't have any control. And that was just anxiety. Like it was just another way that anxiety showed up. And so when you really drop the the fighting, the resistance, like always trying to get rid of it.
20:05.92
ahealthypush
It like actually allows it to be there and go on its way and not cause so much chaos in the process. But yeah, we all have these parts of us. right and it's like They all need a seat at the table and
13:10.88
Rachel
Mm hmm.
20:20.47
ahealthypush
yeah just make them not be there and life is so much better when you just start allowing these parts of you to be there because we all have them and it's like you truly don't need to get rid of them but of course it feels like I'll do anything to get rid of anxiety like kick that girl out and don't let her ever come back.
13:34.00
Rachel
I felt like that for so long. I just felt like I spent all my 20s being like, how do I get rid of this? What can I do? Eat healthier, be better, work out harder. How do I get rid of her so she never comes back? I feel like this past summer when I went through my darkest time, it caught up with me and hit me all once. we are feelings too and we want to be filled and so until you like feel us and stop like putting this mask on where like you think that you have to be like happy all the time and confident then we're like going to start screaming because you are not acknowledging that we are here like so i it was crazy they even thought that like i had like boopis because that's like how
21:28.58
ahealthypush
Yeah.
14:27.49
Rachel
bad my mental state was is that it was like causing my body to like have like inflammatory problems and like I was like in so much pain from just like not accepting these emotions.
21:47.39
ahealthypush
Yeah. And that's what happens, right? When you keep rejecting and trying not to feel the things get louder, everything gets heightened. It's like, hey, I'm trying to help you and you're not listening. So like, I'm going to get louder and louder until you actually do listen. And that's usually when people get to this point where they're like, oh my God, this is really bad and I can't take this anymore. and you know it's It's tricky because with the upbringing that you had, right you sort of learned, I need to be this this you know good girl per se, I need to do all the things and
22:24.36
ahealthypush
you know get everything right and be perfect and blah, blah, blah. And that's what you learned. So of course you felt like, I can't feel, I can't let people know that like all this other stuff is going on. like I just have to pretend I'm okay and everything's fine and like I've got it. and And until it's like, I can't do this anymore because I clearly don't got it. like Does that sound accurate?
15:41.61
Rachel
Yes, like 100%. And I remember like, the first classic we took or something where you were like, Oh, like, you have to feel it like that's the only way through it. And then I feel like everyone in the class was like, oh No, like, this.
23:03.45
ahealthypush
it right after this.
15:59.46
Rachel
Yeah, like, this is not what we like want to do at all. And so and I'm like, looking back, I'm like, and it's like, so true, like, yeah, just growing up, I just had like, such this, like, I'm very close with God and like have my own relationship now. But like, just my parents just had this like, I don't know, like, I'm the good daughter kind of thing, like, and that I was supposed to be like this and like honor my father and my mother and, you know, my I live longer and like prosper better and God would shine on me more.
23:39.36
ahealthypush
Mm.
16:38.17
Rachel
And it's like,
16:41.56
Rachel
for like the first time in my entire life I don't believe that like I have to be like perfect for God to just love me and or for me to love myself and like that was also another piece that I like had to crack was that I felt like it was like wrong to love myself like that's like a sin or something and so that was something else that this class like really like taught me to do is that like I need to like
23:49.60
ahealthypush
Yeah.
24:02.80
ahealthypush
Mm.
17:11.70
Rachel
love myself that was like another emotion I had to like let in and feel.
24:24.04
ahealthypush
Yeah, it's so wild that like you put so much together throughout the program in such a short amount of time. But like, this stuff was already there. It was already sort of festering. It just was like helpful, of course, to hear it all and then like learn these practical ways. Because of course, when we start off, I'm like, you know, feeling it is part of it. But we make sure that we're doing it in a way that feels manageable and is also practical.
17:42.54
Rachel
Mm
24:50.13
ahealthypush
It's not just like, Oh, just feel what you're feeling it's like that look what do you mean especially when you have that distrust you don't feel safe within your body like that it feels impossible like how do I even feel I don't even know how to feel especially if you've been not feeling or trying not to feel for so long but yeah of course you felt so much fear like I have to do things a certain way and then learning maybe I don't like maybe I can actually just
18:08.58
Rachel
hmm.
25:21.95
ahealthypush
be me, struggles and all, and love myself, support myself.
18:17.93
Rachel
Mm.
25:26.59
ahealthypush
And like that is and enough. like That actually is going to be the most helpful for me. And I've seen that so much in you. But late let's talk about, because I know you definitely had some, like I don't want to go certain places. like I don't want to go far from home because I don't want to make it sound like, oh, Rachel is fine. She's just out there living her life, like going places, doing things.
18:46.33
Rachel
what
25:54.41
ahealthypush
like She just you know really didn't want anxiety to be there. like You definitely had some limitations, some restrictions that you're putting on. Can you talk a little bit about that?
18:59.79
Rachel
Oh, for sure. I still do. um I still like am not where I want to be. um But yeah, I like I said, I last summer, I could not even hardly drive to like work without my work five miles away. And so um to like, drive
26:24.38
ahealthypush
Yeah.
19:22.24
Rachel
to West Virginia where my family lives is like an hour away and ah before I took this class just even thinking about that like my mind would just like instantly melt like how can I sit alone with myself and my feelings for an hour it's not even about driving it's just like accepting like this uncomfortableness for like an hour plus and like and yeah I just I was flying like in May of 2023, and then when um June of 2023 happened, I was like, there's no way I'm ever gonna get back on like an airplane or travel far away or, and it again, it wasn't even about just the places, it was more about like sitting with myself and trying to present myself as like, I'm okay, like, without like the pressure of everyone being like, this girl is crazy, she's like losing her shit.
27:12.11
ahealthypush
Mm hmm.
27:27.19
ahealthypush
right? All the things we tell ourselves and people are just like, Oh, she looks amazing.
20:22.02
Rachel
Yeah.
27:30.56
ahealthypush
She looks like her life is great and everything's good.
20:24.22
Rachel
you Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, that was like, my thought is like, what are people gonna think if I like, break down right here and like, you can't do it? And it's like, I had a bachelorette weekend, I was supposed to go to an ocean city, which is like, three hours from my home last summer, and I couldn't go. And so, yeah, I had all these limitations all my life that ah yeah like a year before that I didn't have and so when everything came crumbling in it was just like I wanted to stay in my house and I didn't want anyone to see me because I felt like I had this like sign on my face that said like I'm a mess right now and it was just weird to be alone and push everyone out and say yeah I had so many le like limitations even just going to like the grocery store was like
28:00.93
ahealthypush
Mmhmm.
28:13.21
ahealthypush
Mmhmm.
21:21.79
Rachel
like a win in my book, like I went by myself like, wow, like that was a great day for me. And so, yeah, that was like, earlier you had said that like, you are just like, oh, like feel and then we started to feel and then like, that's how it wasn't like that at all.
28:47.45
ahealthypush
Yeah.
21:43.74
Rachel
It's like, I could barely go into a grocery store by by myself before I started this program. And then like, just the little steps and like the way you broke it down and like our like little celebrations that we would do or even just like telling myself like who cares like like you said like of course this is like hard even just going into the grocery store at that moment like yeah this is hard but it yeah i four I don't know where I was going with
29:17.52
ahealthypush
Yeah, yeah.
29:26.27
ahealthypush
So much of what you did, right, was changing that self talk, like changing the way that you really interacted with yourself and your feelings, and just like actually letting that love come in.
22:26.36
Rachel
No.
29:36.04
ahealthypush
I know it might sound kind of woo woo, but like, oftentimes in this program, and what I see in people and in the transformations that they make is really more the transformation within themselves. It's not so much. I mean, yes, you change your relationship with anxiety. You really change how you're responding to your emotions, all of that. like That's such important work. But where I see a lot of people make these huge leaps is when they start changing their relationship with themselves. And you start letting that love in. You start treating yourself differently. You change yourself, talk. like You actually start supporting yourself.
30:11.52
ahealthypush
And I always say like those two pieces have got to come together. And when they do, it's like that's when you actually have yeah all the things that you need in order to recover. And I think that's what I've seen in you. It's like, oh, I need both of these to come together. And that's the work that you've been really doing.
23:25.76
Rachel
Yeah, for for sure 100% like before this class, I had like so much guilt and like shame, just like towards myself, like, why am I I would like say such like terrible things to myself, like, I'm like, weird, or I don't belong here. And like, I'm different.
30:50.88
ahealthypush
Mm-hmm.
23:44.28
Rachel
Like, why was I made like this? And for me, like, that was like the hardest part of like, the pie was just like, stopping, like, not even stopping, because it's not like I could just be like, Hey, I don't want to think that anymore.
31:07.53
ahealthypush
Right. Turn that switch off. Bye.
24:02.80
Rachel
yeah yeah i won it was that easy but just Just allowing those thoughts to come. and not banking on them. um that That's like one thing that you like taught me again was like um intrusive thoughts.
31:21.60
ahealthypush
Yeah.
24:21.33
Rachel
like You can have them and that doesn't mean that they're real. like I remember one of your podcasts where you said something about like your daughter and how you had like a thought that was like not great.
31:40.84
ahealthypush
Yeah.
24:34.06
Rachel
And you were like, OK, this obviously is not me. And so like I resonated with that so hard because I just had like all these terrible thoughts. And it's like that showed me that like I am one, like not alone. like Everyone has them.
31:59.87
ahealthypush
Mm hmm.
24:55.46
Rachel
And two, I can just let them come and like, let them go. And so it was, that was the hardest part of like, for me was allowing that.
32:08.08
ahealthypush
Yeah.
25:08.25
Rachel
But now it's like, when I have an intrusive thought or something, I'm just like, okay, that was a nice thought. Like, now this is what's true.
32:24.29
ahealthypush
Right.
25:18.41
Rachel
Like, ah and it definitely takes practice.
32:26.63
ahealthypush
Yeah.
25:21.69
Rachel
It's not like it just happened, but it's like, the more you're like, okay, like I can have this thought, but that doesn't mean that it's like true. It gets <unk> easier and easier to like just let it kind of ride by.
32:36.80
ahealthypush
Yeah.
32:43.31
ahealthypush
Right, right. Yeah, I know. It's like, I remember years and years ago when I would sit in therapy, and I would hear over and over, right? Like, your thoughts are not facts. And your thoughts are just thoughts. And I'm like, does this person understand what my thoughts are? Like I am telling you and no, like my thoughts are not just thoughts. Like, and that's really something that we work a lot through in the program is like understanding what thought is, like how to actually respond to it. Cause yeah, you can't stop them.
33:14.03
ahealthypush
You're not going to prevent yourself from having intrusive thoughts.
26:08.99
Rachel
Yeah.
33:17.04
ahealthypush
And just to be able to recognize like, Oh yeah, thanks brain. That was quite wacky, but like, we're not, we're not doing anything with that. And, it's It's really that practice of I'm not attaching to it. I'm not trying to analyze or find meaning. I'm not like changing my actions and behaviors because of it. i You mentioned that thought that I had about my daughter and it's it's just like you could very quickly get sucked down that hole and be like, oh God, like could I like harm my daughter?
26:35.58
Rachel
yeah
33:45.02
ahealthypush
like what What if I did? And I just was quickly able to recognize I've been so stressed, so overwhelmed, like my brain's just throwing this at me because it's been overwhelmed, moving on and not changing anything because of it. But yeah, that like that mental chatter that you talked about in the beginning, right that is able to actually be quieted when you start responding to them in a much more healthy way. And that's what you've been doing. right And it does quiet. it just it doesn't isn' They're never going to completely turn off, go away.
27:14.24
Rachel
Yeah.
34:21.24
ahealthypush
But they will they will be on their way and and sometimes you might have them and it's like, oh, well, thanks, sprain. That was random. But it doesn't hold the same weight. Like it doesn't carry the same feelings and like the ugh that it used to.
27:29.56
Rachel
Definitely. I felt like my thoughts would like wreck me like prior to like this class where I'd
34:41.22
ahealthypush
Mm.
27:39.53
Rachel
believe every single thing, like, well, there must be like something wrong with me. Like, why do I keep feeling or thinking like this? And I mean, it it's, again, it's not an on and off switch. I have to practice it every single day still. And it's like, um, like I would just be walking and like, um, like I will, I, I'm someone who like experienced like dizziness with their anxiety, not like terrible, but I would get that.
34:58.59
ahealthypush
Yum.
28:04.37
Rachel
And so I'd be like, Oh, I feel uncomfortable. And it'd be like, okay, like that's fine.
35:14.47
ahealthypush
Mhm.
28:10.34
Rachel
Instead of like in the past where I'd like instantly just freak out, I have to like remind myself like, huh, well, I felt this before and nothing happened.
35:20.61
ahealthypush
Yep.
28:20.43
Rachel
And so while it's uncomfortable, uncomfortable does not mean impossible. And so I can, I can feel this and I know I'm okay. And so those are just little like things that I have like ready to go now that I've learned.
35:35.29
ahealthypush
yeah
35:39.24
ahealthypush
Yeah.
28:34.93
Rachel
Like I learned. through the process of this class and just even sticky notes like you taught us to put those I have them like everywhere like all the reminder to myself yeah I'm just like I'm changing my relationship with anxiety I'm like I have that written on my desk and it and I it's as like it's never going to go away but we can like be friends instead of enemies so
35:52.17
ahealthypush
I love that. I love that.
36:08.65
ahealthypush
ah Yes, yes, yes, yes. I know, and that's where the freedom is, but that's so hard. And like you said, when we start the program and everyone basically just looks at me, like, get the F out, Shannon.
29:12.21
Rachel
Wow.
36:19.55
ahealthypush
Like, I don't want to do any of this. And like, please tell me that there's another way. And I'm like, what? Like, what did you think that I was going to tell you, right? Like, that no, we can't, we can't avoid. We can't keep avoiding. That's part of the problem. um But it's more that avoidance, right? A feeling. like and i And I think that's a big piece of what you are speaking to is like not continuing to avoid feeling.
29:33.73
Rachel
Mm
36:45.19
ahealthypush
And then that helps you not avoid the things that you want to do and go the places you want to go and all of that.
29:39.11
Rachel
-hmm.
36:53.31
ahealthypush
So I mean, I know like you've gone home since the class wrapped. like You took that, what was it, hour and a half journey back home.
29:58.18
Rachel
yup yup
37:05.85
ahealthypush
Yeah, you're away right now.
30:02.07
Rachel
at the beach yeah yeah ah yeah like a year ago i would have told you like oh my life is just
37:10.51
ahealthypush
Which just makes me smile so hard. Like, so can you talk a little bit about that? Because I obviously want people to hear like this stuff does actually get better. And then then you go do things that like, you thought there's no way I'm going to be able to do that again. Like, not possible.
30:24.24
Rachel
like going nowhere and I'm stuck and I'm miserable. I mean, i I would come home every single day crying to my husband. Like I'm something has to change or like i I was like to the point where I wanted to like check myself into some sort of like mental health facility where like I just couldn't do it anymore. like And so yeah, I, after the, I mean, just all the work that we've done, i I mean, little by little, I'd set goals for myself.
30:56.53
Rachel
And eventually I would get, I got to the point where like you said, I could drive to like West Virginia like an hour and a half by myself.
38:10.30
ahealthypush
Mhmm.
31:05.58
Rachel
um But I had to start like small, like I'd go to like the next town over or something and just constantly show myself that even when I panicked, I was still fine.
38:21.86
ahealthypush
Mhmm.
31:19.54
Rachel
And that was like, how I'd continually, like, it's like I had to prove to my brain that like, hey, like, this was hard. And that's very valid and your feelings are valid. But like, I am safe. And so every time I like went a little further, I went a little further. it would get a little easier, even if it was wasn't easy. i I took the shame and guilt out of it, where I'd be like, okay, well, that was hard.
38:52.33
ahealthypush
Yep. Yeah.
31:52.11
Rachel
I feel like this is like my Shannon voice. Of course that was hard. like Look where you came from, but like look how far you went.
39:04.65
ahealthypush
yeah
32:00.30
Rachel
like Yes, maybe you didn't do it exactly like you wanted to this time, but like you're trying. I'm proud of you umm proud of myself. like and so
39:16.98
ahealthypush
Yeah.
32:11.40
Rachel
Yeah now like this week I'm at the beach for a whole week or like a couple of months ago I like never would have imagined like leaving my house for like a whole week like and being like you know I'm okay like if something happens while I'm here then I'm fine like and like three and a half four hours yeah
39:39.07
ahealthypush
And how far are you from home right now?
39:44.51
ahealthypush
Yeah. And it's like, okay, right? Like I know I took all these small steps and I showed myself, like I can literally panic anywhere.
32:40.18
Rachel
yeah
39:52.15
ahealthypush
I can feel anxious anywhere.
32:45.27
Rachel
Mm
39:53.43
ahealthypush
And like, I know I've got it. Cause like I've, I've got me. And that's a lot of the work that you did, right? Was putting that trust back within you and within your body and like, it was hard. But as you're seeing, right, of course, it's so so incredibly worth it. And like, I am so insanely proud of you because the progress that you've made in such a short amount of time is insane. But like, it's really truly because you committed like you were like in it, you were taking the steps, but you were listening to yourself and actually like turning off all the outside noise like
33:10.57
Rachel
hmm.
40:29.87
ahealthypush
I'm not going to keep trying all the things, doing all the things. like I'm actually just going to commit to changing my relationship with anxiety and the relationship with myself.
33:27.38
Rachel
No.
40:38.27
ahealthypush
and like That's truly how I believe it comes together and so quickly. and I always say, I don't care how long you've struggled. It doesn't mean because you struggled for five years, 10 years, 15 years. like It needs to take that amount of time to get better. like Heck no. You can do so much rewiring in a really short period of time. but it You got to be consistent with it and like use that. like I had to be nice to myself and I had to actually support myself. Yes, all of that is a huge part of it.
34:03.64
Rachel
yeah definitely thank you because yeah this i mean where it has been like the like toughest six months of my life it's been like the like i can't even like tell you just how much like i'm so grateful that like i found like the class and you because i mean it truly has just like helped me like basic bottom line just love myself and just not feel like i'm like some alien who is not supposed to be here and so yeah it's it's been yeah like you said it it's a lot of work but i truly believe that like it yeah it shouldn't take 10 years like the 10 years that i suffered or you know the moment that oh no go ahead
41:58.79
ahealthypush
and okay no go ahead no you just have me crying i'm like obviously but i remember when we met in our one-on-one i was just like i got off with you and i was like bawling i was just like you are such an amazing human and it's so hard because we can't see it oftentimes it's like what other people see in us is nothing that we see and you are just a really incredible human being that has been through so much shit and has just remained like so
35:19.94
Rachel
Uh-huh.
42:42.95
ahealthypush
So amazing at your core like you just you honor it all and you're like, you know I take it and and I'm gonna change it and The work that you're doing is not just changing it for you but changes it for everyone that comes after you and it's really amazing to see that in action, so oh Gosh
35:59.22
Rachel
Thank you.
43:09.59
ahealthypush
Obviously we we landed here, but I could just see it in you that like you knew like you had all of this in you.
36:02.73
Rachel
yeah
43:18.35
ahealthypush
You had the knowing. you like You're just so dang smart and insightful. And when you really just applied all the things, it was like, OK, this doesn't have to be so hard anymore.
36:23.67
Rachel
yeah i mean yeah it's ah it's crazy how just like one person who like actually believes in you and says like it's okay you're allowed to feel like i don't know it's just crazy how just you gave us that like just from saying that one line like gave us such a power with like showed us that like we had in us and so yeah
43:57.70
ahealthypush
Yeah. Oh, my gosh, Rachel. Well, we're connected now forever, which is amazing. And there were so many people in your group that it was just like this instant bond and connection. It's a wild. And like, there's, there's more of these, covet like, I'm having more of these conversations with more people in the group. And I'm just so excited because You were all so amazing, and like everyone just supported each other. It was so kind. like just We all had have so much in common.
44:29.65
ahealthypush
It's just like, how did all these amazing humans land in the same place at this exact moment?
37:24.13
Rachel
yeah I'm
44:34.76
ahealthypush
It's like, thank you universe. um But yeah, is there anything that you want to share that maybe we haven't gotten to?
37:38.02
Rachel
just anyone who's like hesitant on like doing this like I, you have like literally nothing to lose. I mean, I, everything about this class, like you said, the connections that I made, I feel like I have lifelong friends now.
45:01.25
ahealthypush
Mm.
37:54.33
Rachel
Like you all want to like meet up somehow. Like we all text each other like all the time. And so it's just like everything about this was 100% worth it. And so it's also, like you said, what you put into it. And so.
45:18.16
ahealthypush
Yeah, for sure. ah Well, thank you, Rachel, so so much for coming on and sharing everything. And I am just so proud of you. And of course, we'll stay connected. And and you'll update me more. And I'm just so proud of you. like he Keep going. like You're doing amazing.
38:28.49
Rachel
Yes, thank you for having me. And yeah, I hope that this podcast can help someone and I'm looking forward to hearing the other girls from from our class.
45:44.19
ahealthypush
Yeah. Oh, it for sure will. For sure.
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