Anxiety Success Stories - Kristina Learns the Power of Vulnerability and Self-Compassion

In this week’s podcast episode, Kristina joins us to share the details of her anxiety success story! Kristina finished my 10-week Panic to Peace program over the summer of 2023, and I can’t wait for you to hear her journey and all of the inspiration packed into this episode!

Sharing your story can be so dang hard, so I’m super proud of Kristina for joining me on the podcast and getting vulnerable! These stories are so inspiring, I know you’ll enjoy this episode.

Anxiety Success Stories - Kristina Learns the Power of Vulnerability and Self-Compassion

Let’s start with getting to know Kristina a little better! Kristina is a married mother of three living in the Midwest. She loves to cook, entertain and volunteer her time. She’s often known as the person who will say Yes! to everything to support those around her, which may sound familiar! Lots of people who struggle with anxiety disorders will keep themselves as busy as possible in an attempt to avoid the discomfort that anxiety can bring.

Kristina’s Journey So Far

Looking back, Kristina recognizes periods of anxiety in her formative years, and noticed a pattern of lots more anxiety and panic during times of high emotion, both good and bad. Life's big events can be overwhelming, even the joyous ones!

To cope with these feelings, Kristina tried to keep busy and suppress to avoid experiencing the anxiety and panic that was showing up, and explored medication as a tool with her doctor.

When the COVID-19 pandemic shut the world down back in 2020, Kristina’s anxiety didn’t have anywhere to hide and things really came to a head. She started to struggle more and more with panic and agoraphobia, experiencing symptoms when doing daily activities like driving and grocery shopping.

How Panic to Peace Has Helped Kristina Begin To Heal

After taking Panic to Peace, Kristina worked hard on her relationship with anxiety, and it now looks so much healthier. She took a lot of benefit from the program, and especially the support network and community it provided, taking inspiration from others sharing their journeys and wins each week.

She learned the value of self-compassion in anxiety recovery, showing that support that she easily gave to others, to herself. Kristina started to change her focus around the ways she supported herself, giving herself compassion and grace when needing time to recharge or experiencing overwhelm. Letting go of the guilt and simple acts of self-support like taking time away to enjoy a hot tea, or diving into a good book are some great examples of the small healthy steps we can take to support ourselves.

Finding Purpose in Vulnerability

One of the most important parts of Kristina’s recovery journey was finding the power that came with getting vulnerable, and I’m so proud of her for this! Expressing vulnerability and opening up to others granted Kristina permission to truly see and accept her own truth. It has proven to be a really valuable and empowering aspect of her journey. Powerful stuff!

Kristina's Advice To Anyone Struggling With Anxiety

When we spoke, Kristina shared some really great advice to anyone that might find themselves in a similar position.

• Have self-compassion! Treat yourself with the kindness you should show to others

• Celebrate those small-wins. They are truly the things that lead to healing

• Get vulnerable. Grant yourself the space to open up, connect with your own feelings, and acknowledge what's truly happening within

Make sure to listen to the full podcast episode for all the details about Kristina’s anxiety success story. It’s a heartwarming episode and I hope it brings you some hope, inspiration, and joy!

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Struggling with lots of what-if thoughts that lead to some really uncomfortable sensations and symptoms? Sign up for my 90-minute LIVE masterclass and learn how to approach your thoughts in a healthy (and very practical) way so that you can get freedom from them!

Feeling like you've tried everything but you're still struggling with lots of anxious thoughts, symptoms, panic attacks, and fears? Take my FREE 60-minute masterclass today and learn 5 shifts that will actually help you to overcome anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. And I promise, you won't hear any of the usual stuff from me - like doing breathing exercises, grounding practices, cutting out caffeine, and doing more exposures. Let's get you the peace and freedom you deserve without it being so hard!

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TRANSCRIPT

Shannon Jackson 0:02

Okay, I am sitting down with another Panic to Peace student and I am just so excited. I love these conversations so much. And I know how valuable they are to actually hear from people and know, you're not alone. So I have a Panic to Peace student, Kristina with me. And she went through the program over the summer. And I am just really excited for her to be here and for you to get to know her and her to share her story with you. So, Kristina, welcome to A Healthy Push podcast.

Kristina 1:05

Thank you, Shannon, I'm really excited to be here today talking to you. Originally, when you asked me I was really excited. And then I had second thoughts because I thought, oh, boy, am I really going to put myself out there. Because as you know that vulnerability is something that I struggle with. And then I thought to myself, you know, what, if I can do something that makes somebody else not feel so alone, then I definitely will do it. So. So it didn't take me long to change my you know, to go back and forth.

Shannon Jackson 1:43

I'm so glad. And I'm so glad that you recognize that this is so good for all the people listening, but also for yourself. And it is so hard. It's so dang uncomfortable to do these things. But I'm so happy that you're doing this. So let's just start. Can you tell us a little bit about who Kristina is?

Kristina 2:01

Sure. Well, I will, I'll be honest, with my age, I'm 54. Proud of my 54 years on Earth. I'm a mother of three, a married mother of three. Our youngest is a senior in college this year, our other two are out of college, our oldest got married over the summer (our daughter), and then our other daughter lives out of town. And, what else, I originally grew up on the East Coast. And then after I graduated college, I moved to the West Coast. And then my husband's job brought us to the Midwest a little over 20 years ago. And so we've been here for about that long. So I've done my share of moving and I you know, I've just always been a stay at home mom, I you know, I love to cook, I love to entertain I love which you know, I've always been the person to say yes to everything. You know, I've always volunteered at school at my kids schools for their activities for you know, you name it, I've done it. And and I don't know if that's, you know, I've always loved to give and to support people. And maybe sometimes I didn't support myself enough.

Shannon Jackson 3:26

Yeah. Sounds so familiar I think for all the moms and even dads out there that I look at you, right, and I'm like three kids, and you just did a lot. And like, it's just, it's so cool. And, of course, I know a little bit about your story. But I would love to just let's start with when did you really notice like anxiety, being in the picture and it being problematic?

Kristina 3:56

Well, I kind of you know, looking back, I really recognize that I probably had some anxiety even when I was in elementary school, but nothing that was too much that prevented me from doing things like it was never anything that I thought, oh wow, this is a problem. And then even so in junior high, so I'll say that that's when my parents got divorced was when I was in junior high. And so probably it started to you know, rear its head a little bit then I think just with you know, things going through, you know, things that I was going through and then in high school, I bits you know, bouts here and there. But I will say the first time I really thought oh wow maybe you have a problem with it. Or not a problem but it was you know, really apparent was when I was in college. I had some some period where I had some really severe anxiety and some panic. And then it kind of went away. But the thing is, is that I will tell you that looking back, I realized that anytime I had, you know, we've all had, you know, we've, I've heard you talk about it before, too, but you know, the big T traumas and little T traumas. And, you know, I definitely had my share of little T traumas, whether it's, you know, friend issues, or you know, my parents divorce. And the thing with my parents divorce, I think that really sticks out with me, it was that my dad left, and he kind of abandoned us, not financially, just, he didn't really connect with my sister or myself. And so then, of course, then my mom had her own things that she was dealing with. And so I never had a comfortable place to feel that I could talk about my feelings, and it was just never a thing. And so it was always, you know, push it down, push it down. And so I think I spent, you know, most of these formative years, just

pushing things down, and not knowing how to deal or express the big feelings I was feeling. And so then, you know, I graduated college, and I moved across country. And then I don't remember feeling any, you know, having discomfort or anything, but I just know, I just avoided things, it was more, it was easier to just suppress things and do anything that I could do to avoid feeling things. And then, you know, fast forward to, you know, meeting my husband, you know, married, having kids. And then I feel like, even though I thought I was doing all of these things to to be helpful, which, you know, to other people, which is true, I think it was more of a avoidance. Again, I think I was doing all the things, I definitely know that I had high functioning anxiety, because I was trying to fill myself and fill my time with all the things to not feel the stuff that I really needed to feel. And then probably when my oldest daughter maybe was a junior in high school, I think big things, you know, we're looking at colleges and all that stuff. And I remember having really bad anxiety again, and panic, and I was having panic attacks, you know, driving in my car, things like that. And so, the immediate thing was, my doctor just put me on meds. And, yeah, made the feelings, you know, the big the symptoms go away. But it never taught me again, never taught me how to deal with the stuff I was trying to, you know, cover up. And then I eventually went off of the I didn't like the way I felt on them. And that's the thing, it's like, I think if you need to

take it, you need to take it like there's never any shame in taking a medication, you know, medication or anything. Me saying that it's not because I think that nobody should be on it. I just didn't like the way it felt on it. Because then I felt the complete opposite. I felt numb, I felt nothing. And that's not, you know, for me wasn't a good way to go through life either. And so I went off of it. And then I had years, maybe like seven, eight years without really experiencing big symptoms. I mean, every once in a while I'd have you know symptoms. And you know, and I was PTO president of our high school that has, you know, 2000 students in it. And I'd have to get up and speak in front of all these parents and stuff. And so I have, you know, normal anxiety that you would think but because I was an anxiety, you know, sufferer, it maybe was a little bit bigger for me, but you know, I always got through it. But anyways, but about. So I went maybe seven or eight years without really experiencing it. And then all of a sudden I had big life events coming up. I was planning my daughter's wedding. We were doing a remodel on a home that we have. And I mean, it was good things. 

But it was just I think, well let me back up a little bit. So when my son was a senior in high school, he's getting ready to graduate and go off to college and that's when COVID hit and so my whole world shut down. So all the things I was doing to keep myself high functioning just stopped. And so my anxiety and panic didn't have have anywhere to hide anymore. And it kind of just started to, you know, I think, come to a head a little bit. And then then when I was doing these other big life event, things, like, again, you know, good life event experiences, but it really overwhelmed my system. And so it got really intense. And so I remember driving just, I was just trying to go to Trader Joe's to get some flowers. And I had a panic attack driving in the car. And, and that's what kind of set it like all of a sudden, I just, like, felt like I regressed a lot. But so, and that was maybe I don't know, maybe a year and a half a year ago, year and a half ago. So that's kind of where it was, but it kind of really transpired into being, you know, I got, I was struggling with some agoraphobia. Which I didn't know that that's what it was really until I started following you. So during my struggle for somehow, I always think, you know, I'm a firm believer and things happen for a reason. But you showed up on my Instagram feed one day and I started following you on Instagram. And then I thought, Geez, you know, I'm going to start listening to your podcast. And then I started to listen to your podcast. And so that's when I really started to think about, wait, what's going on here? With me?

Shannon Jackson 11:40

Yeah, oh my gosh, talk about full circle craziness. Listening to the podcast, making these connections. And now you're sitting here on the podcast. I hear this so much. And it's so wild to me that people, especially students, and clients of mine will say I had no idea that I was maybe struggling with agoraphobia, I just knew like panic, panic attacks, you know, panic disorder, I didn't really understand that there was this other component to it. And I think when you're able to actually label it, and have this knowing of what what is going on, it helps you to, like be able to name the feelings and the fears and to place them into say, this makes sense. Like, this is what I'm experiencing. And that's just so cool when you can do that. But so much of what I'm hearing you say right, as I was always keeping myself busy. I was always, you know, unknowingly probably oftentimes distracting myself and suppressing and like you said, you know, you felt and thought it was quote, easier to do that, because that's sort of what you knew, and what was comfortable for you. And

going through all these events, even though they were good, our bodies can't differentiate, right? It just says, Okay, this is overwhelming. This is stressful, like, here's some anxiety. And you're like, Okay, I'm just gonna keep doing what I know to do. Like, let me just keep myself busy, keep myself busy. And when you can no longer do that. You're like, okay, dang. There's a lot here that I now have to actually look at. And I have to actually work through this. So what what brought you to that point that you're like, Alright, I'm going to like sign up for this program. I really feel like I need it.

Kristina 13:40

Well, well, here's the thing. So I feel like I've learned so much from you like, and again, and I hear it from other people, like when I hear other people that you interview on your podcast, or things that you said in your podcasts that unless

you've experienced it, you don't really get it. And so I would have a lot of situations where I felt like, I would really isolate myself when I was really in the middle of it. Because I you know, part of the reason why I don't like to be vulnerable about it either is because sometimes I would tell somebody, if I did tell somebody, I'm feeling kind of anxious, and people just don't understand. And they say, I don't understand why you feel anxious. It's like, well, I don't either, and then you'd start to beat yourself up a little bit, because you kind of started to fall into like, well, they're kind of right, what do I have to be anxious about? And it wasn't until you exactly said that, that your body just doesn't differentiate between good things, when you're overwhelmed, and just bad things when you're overwhelmed. And so that's when it kind of clicked with me because I had heard you say that and so the funny thing is, is that I originally after

I thought, you know, I'm going to be courageous and I'm going to sign up for a couple of the masterclasses, and I did the masterclasses, but the thing is, is that I kept my video off on the masterclasses, because I wasn't quite ready to put myself out there. And then it was just again, just, you know, really listening to your podcast and feeling supported. And thinking, You know what, I'm, I'm ready, because I don't want to be kind of a prisoner. I think that there's a way to fix my, the way I'm approaching or the way I feel about my anxiety instead of thinking that it's so bad. I mean, yeah, the feelings that, you know, the symptoms feel bad, but the anxiety itself is not bad. And I think I was doing all the things to try to get rid of my anxiety, you know, because I didn't really want to go on medication, like a daily medication. Now, I do have, you know, an emergency medication that I take very sporadic, you know, sporadically. If I feel like I, you know, absolutely need to. But, you know, I was doing, you know, I've always enjoyed meditating and doing things like that, but I was like, doing it to try to get rid of my anxiety. And so, and that just wasn't working. And so I thought, you know, I just needed to really change my perspective. And I felt like the Panic to Peace was the way to do it at this point, and so I said, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go all in, I'm gonna, you know, waffle back and forth, like, again, because it was scary, like, do you do it? You know, because you have to do the work too you know, and so I thought, yeah, I just, I just want to, I'm going to do it for myself, it's a gift to myself to kind of change my perspective, and my focus. And so I signed up for Panic to Peace, and I turned on the video, because I said, if I'm gonna do it, I gotta go all in you know, and, and it was probably one of the best decisions I've made, because you really, were so supportive, and so many tools, like you said, to change your focus. And that's really what, what it is. So now, you know, when I feel symptoms, you know, they're still not saying that I'm like, I'm not healed, quote, unquote, you know, completely, you know, but it's, it's weird. But I will say Panic, to Peace, the, the blessing of it, too, is that you're in this situation, and you're, you're connecting with other people who are going through the same thing, and who understand. And it's so important to be able to know that you're not alone. And everybody's journey looks different. I will say that when I first you know, when we did our first introductions, that first day, and listening to some other people that were in there, I thought, oh, my gosh, like, why am I in here? Like, I feel like, I don't have it as bad. Like, I thought, I almost felt like, yeah, I don't know how to put it into words. But I just felt like these, some of these people have some really tragic stories that would bring tears to your eyes. And I thought, I don't deserve to be here. But then I then I had to think, no, I do deserve to be here. Because my journey maybe it's still painful. But it's just looks a little different than somebody else's. But we're all in the same boat. And so it makes me want to cry.

Shannon Jackson 18:46

Yeah, it's so incredibly powerful to be in a space with so many others who you're like, gosh, finally, like, I feel like people get it, people are actually living this and experiencing it. And you're not alone in that so many students have said, Shannon, those welcome calls that you have the first week, it was just crazy that I felt like maybe it's not that bad.

Maybe maybe, you know, I can actually heal from this and, and people take away so many different things, right? But I was so proud of you. Because I could tell from the very beginning how uncomfortable you were and you were like totally dedicated, committed to it, like showing up on video every week and like engaging and just truly doing for you.

And that's when you're gonna get the most out of anything, right like a program of therapy, anything like when you're showing up for you because you really want it for you. And yeah, everyone, right, deserves to be there and holds a place there and it's just so cool when you can too start to connect with others and you bounce things off of each other. And you gain different pieces of wisdom from each other. And like you would share things and I would be like that was so good. Like, it doesn't just come from me, right? That's like the whole awesome part about the group dynamic. But I'm curious, right? Like, you've made so many shifts, I know, going through the program, you're like, I've got some big stuff coming up. And things that are like, very anxiety producing. And I'm curious, like, can you speak to that stuff a little bit? Because I know that stuff was hard.

Kristina 20:41

Yeah, well, it was also, like our daughter's wedding. I mean, it was a great, you know, it was a great thing. But it was overwhelming. Because until you go through it, I don't know, it's just, there's a lot of pressure on your shoulders, because, you know, you think that you have this expectation that people have expectation of you. And so you want to be want it to be perfect. And you want it to be a reflection, even though it's your daughter's wedding, it's a reflection of you. And it's, it's all good. It was it was just I just tried to just be in the moment as it got closer. And, and just tried to take it all in and just enjoy it. And not, I think the big thing is that we always talked about, you know, anticipatory, you know, anxiety and stuff. And so you know, that can occur with anything, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to a doctor's appointment, or whatever it can be, you know, I'm throwing a party for, you know, 250 people. And so it was good, I'm glad I think had I not gone through panic to peace. You know, it was still kind of like at the tail end of I think when our the course was wrapping up, but I think it just really the whole thing, I think my my focus and my, my perception of everything just changed, because I think what I was doing prior to that was I was it felt like I was beating myself up all the time - why is this? Whereas now, you know, I might, you know, I still meditate every day, but I do it not because I think it's gonna get rid of my anxiety, I think I just do it to support myself because it feels good. And, and

so I think what I did was going into these big life events that happened, I just really took the time to not feel guilty about doing the things that made me feel good. And that supported me, whether that was you know, having a cup of tea or, you know, reading my reading a book, I love reading, you know, I'm not reading like Kierkegaard, you know, just easy reads. But still, it's just a nice way to just calm my mind. And so, it, I just changed my focus about how do I just do things to support myself. And it was okay, if it didn't look perfect, you know, and it was funny, because I did you know, we walked everybody down the aisle and everything. And then right before you know, the reception started, I did get some anxiety. And I had to go take a little breather, and instead of beating myself up over having to go take a breather, I was like, I need to do this, it's okay, you know, it is perfectly okay. It's giving myself permission to have compassion for myself, I think is the shift. And so I think I think that's really helped with the big life things, even though they're, they're good. It's just learning to have compassion to myself, because I would show that compassion to someone else, because that's something that you remind us all the time that if you know, your friend or family member or your child came to you, what would you say to them? And so, you know, it's okay to say that to yourself. You know, you would say what you would say to them, you wouldn't be harsh with anybody else that was looking for support. So why be harsh, you know, with yourself.

Shannon Jackson 24:23

Oh, so many good shifts. You know, I think the perspectives like that, how you changed how you approached yourself, also the anxiety, like you really were creating that different relationship with it for once and I could see it actually allowing you to make shifts because I think you were doing what a lot of people do, what I did for years, I just need the tools and tricks and the hacks and the things to throw at it, to get rid of it to you know, fix how I'm feeling and doing that just makes you feel even more anxious and uncomfortable, because you just are continuing to push up against it, to suppress it to not feel it and actually looking at the tools and and all the things that can be supportive and say, how can they support me? How can they support me rather than getting rid of the anxiety? Because that's not, we can't do that.

Kristina 25:24

Right, I feel like that, like, I agree with you, when you say, you know, the more you throw at it, you try to get rid of it, you're fighting it, and it just makes it worse. And it puts you in a constant spiral. And so I feel once I stopped doing that, it really made a difference. So, you know, but I, you know, I can go to concerts, I can go to, you know, I can travel, I can get on a plane, I can do all these things. But I still struggle with maybe going to the grocery store by myself or something like that, which doesn't make any sense. And instead of beating myself up over it not making sense, I just, I just lean into it. And I know it will, you know, the other stuff will eventually fall into place. I just, you know, it's just, it's a shift in thinking and approaching and how you treat yourself.

Shannon Jackson 26:21

Yeah, it's so we always want to, like make anxiety logical, right? And when it's not, because it never is, we want to tell ourselves a story about what it means about us. And we're crazy, we're weird, there's something wrong with us, why can't we just do this, this should be easy. And it's like, gosh, anxiety is not logical, and nothing about it is and so if you're trying to make sense of it, and you're trying to, you know, make it mean something or like, it's just gonna make things that much harder. It's this leaning in, right, what you just said, That's so incredibly powerful. And I think, going through it too, you know, you practice so many of the things that I teach, that's not just, you know, yes, you have to face anxiety, right, you have to do the things that lead to anxiety you can't avoid. But you are really practicing the facing the anxiety and a healthy way of responding to it in a healthy way. Practicing the self compassion, practicing how you actually look at anxiety, vulnerability, like all like you were really going in on it. Do you feel like there was some shift, like some point that you reached that actually allowed you to do that, because I think oftentimes, we know what we need to do, but we just don't do it. Because we're human. And it's hard to do the hard stuff.

Kristina 27:47

I really think to be honest with you, a lot had to do with you and your support, I felt like, and I think in the panic to peace, just listening to, you know, some of the most benefit. I mean, you every day, you you know, every session, you try to teach kind of a lesson and things like that. And I really liked the q&a after to listen to people because it kind of gave you the strength to say, oh, yeah, no, someone else is doing the same thing. And I get it. And it was just it was almost like I don't know, it was just like a little nudge that, you know, it's okay, you know, and these, this is where we struggled. And this is where we succeeded. And it was just the nudge, but I'll tell you that the vulnerability part, has been the most important part for me, because there have been times where I've just said, you know, I'm just going to tell

this person that I'm with that, you know, I just want to I struggle with anxiety. And once I do that, then it feels like a weights kind of lifted off my shoulder a little bit. You know, obviously we have to do it with people that you feel safe with. But, you know, I've just been in instances and so in it's funny because my husband is super supportive, but he

doesn't, has never had anxiety or panic or agoraphobia, so he doesn't get it 100% So, yeah, sometimes I say to him, I said, Gosh, I would never you know, it's like you just don't get it. I mean, he's always super supportive. And it's not that I'm saying it like in a in a bad way. But when we have discussions about it, I you know, if something pops up, it's it's you haven't had it so you quite don't understand and I wouldn't I wouldn't really wish it on anybody to experience it, but you just don't get it unless you've experienced it because the symptoms are really big and overwhelming and scary. And but I think being vulnerable to tell people you know, you know, people don't think you're crazy. If I mean, you say that all the time that, you know, the people that want to support you are there to support you, and they're not going to think you're crazy. If you tell them that you're, you know, we all have this, this, this persona that we want to, you know, put out in the world, and we don't want to see like, a notch in that persona, or we're afraid if people see a notch like they'll think less of you or things like that. And so I think once you can really be okay with being vulnerable, and you know, and not force yourself to do it. But yeah, you know, but when you can do it, really, it's a weight, it's a weight off your shoulders, for sure.

Shannon Jackson 30:59

And it's also like, I always tell people to right think of a time that somebody was vulnerable with you, and how did that feel for you. And it's always so cool for me, when my friends, my family come to me and they get vulnerable with me. And I'm like, this is, it just feels so good to be able to hold space, and not necessarily, like, fix or even understand, because some of the problems that people come to me with, I don't have any experience with I don't, I don't even honestly know what to say. But that's not what they're looking for, they just want to be heard. And they just need that space for you to love them and support them and to just be there. And that's the coolest part about vulnerability is when you actually allow yourself to go there, you get that support, but also you, you start to let yourself actually connect with

yourself. And I think that's the thing that people miss most is it's not about opening up to the other person and, and having something to do with the other person. It's about you actually allowing yourself to open up and connect with yourself and to admit what's going on and to be with it and like that, it that's my vulnerability so hard, like, I gotta open up and I gotta be with this.

Kristina 32:20

I agree. I think that's, that's why it's easier to fill yourself with so much stuff. Because you don't have to be vulnerable with yourself. And I agree, I think you hit the nail on the head that, that that is probably the biggest thing is being vulnerable with yourself. And so when you when I get I feel when I can be vulnerable and open up to someone else, then it does it gives me permission to see myself and see my truth and be self accepting. And so that's, yeah, that's that definitely been helpful in this journey.

Shannon Jackson 33:00

I love that you're being honest, right about that. You really can't understand it, unless you've gone through it. And is, it's like, there are words you can try to put to it. But really that fear that it's just it's not really even describable. And it's very tough being in that situation where you feel like you just want people to understand, and nobody really does. And, of course, I think a big part of that is you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. And it's not really about people understanding but it's about people being able to offer you that space that you can just share and and feel heard. But this is the great part about the group dynamic right is like you're actually in a group with so many people that truly understand and feel it and are going through it and are experiencing so many amazing wins. And it's motivating and it's

inspiring, and it like pushes you and like there's just so much goodness, I am curious, Kristina is I know you've like gone through this journey. And it's not been easy. And like you say I'm not, quote healed. But what do you feel like was sort of the most like the maybe a turning point for you of like, okay, I'm actually changing this relationship with anxiety. I'm not going to continue to you know, do the same that I've done for quite some time.

Kristina 34:40

You know, I can't really figure out an exact, there's not like an exact thing that I can put my finger on it's just, gosh, I don't know.

Shannon Jackson 34:57

I kind of was asking you a trick question.

Kristina 35:04

There wasn't like an exact like aha moment kind of thing. It was a gradual thing. But it was, you know, I think this is the thing too is I read something the other day. And it was funny  because, you know, I am technically, you know, an empty nester and stuff like that. And I think part of my anxiety too, going back to, you know, having to fill all the thing and it was always like, Okay, what's next? What's next? What's next? It's that control piece. And, and it was not like, what do you want to do next? It was, Who do you want to be? And I just want to be, I know what my future looks like, my future looks like, you know, grandchildren and things like, you know, things like that. And I just, I just want to be the best mother, I can be the best spouse, I can be the best, you know, sister, the best daughter. So it was more about who do I want to be? And, and so that was I just don't want to be somebody who feels trapped by something that if I just showed myself a little compassion, I can, like you said, shift. And it, I think it was more more that it was more of a gradual thing. But it really was more of you know, and this is not, you know, obviously, I'm on your podcast. And this isn't like, oh, it's all you know, praise Shannon, but it was really listening to you. And you know, certain things that you would say in certain podcasts and stuff that would just kind of spark something like, you know, I can do this I can I can change the way I look at this. And like I said, So then it just that wrapped up with, you know, who do I want to be? I know, I

don't want to be this person who's who's afraid. And so I think that was probably the catalyst.

Shannon Jackson 37:11

Gosh, I'm so glad that you shared that and arrived at that, because that is such a motivator, right? Of like, who do I want to be? And I'm just gonna keep taking steps to get there. And like you said, it's gradual. And it is. And I kind of asked you a trick question. Because I think people are thinking and waiting, there's going to be like this sort of magic moment, or there's going to be like this, aha, and it's just all going to go upward and onward from there. And it just doesn't happen that way. But when you allow for it to be this gradual, and some days, it will be hard, but when you allow it to be gradual, and you keep focused on what you're actually working towards. That's when things like, you know, become easier and actually allow you to feel like okay, I can actually get here. So, I'm curious if somebody is in a place, right that maybe you are in, or that you were in, I should say years ago where you felt like, I don't know, this is, is this ever gonna get better? Am I ever going to change my relationship with anxiety? What would you offer to that person who's

really struggling right now?

Kristina 38:25

I would say, you know, again, have a lot of self compassion, treat yourself the way you would treat someone else who came to you and said the same thing to you that you're saying to yourself in your own head. And something else that has always, you know, stuck with me is you talking about, you know, celebrate your small wins. And you know, a small win a win can look different for everybody. A win could be going out your front door to get your mail from your mailbox, it could be going to Costco and making it through Costco without having to run out because you know, what I've been, I've been there where, you know, and, and so, and it's okay, it's not silly, you know, your wins don't have to be these huge things. I think the more you celebrate the little things, the bigger, bigger the impact is, you know, there were times where, you know, I would come out of let's just use the Costco example again, where I came out of Costco when I was maybe with my husband and I was like, Hey, give me a high five. Like, give me a high five. I know it sounds silly, but I made it to Costco, you know, and so it's not being afraid or feeling silly to celebrate the little, little things that you can do. I think that would be where I would start because it's just seems so overwhelming. And it's like with everything isn't that life in general, that if you just appreciate the small things, you get big rewards. Like, it doesn't have to be big things. It could, you know, so I think that's what I would do, I'd start celebrating yourself and celebrate the small things that you can do.

Shannon Jackson 40:20

I love that. I love that because it's often not the big things. It's not we do the big things and then, okay, the healing is happening. It's, it's in the small things and acknowledging and recognizing those, those quote, you know, little things, because those little things are actually the big things like, you know, we do so much minimizing but the healing happens in those small steps. So, I love that. I've loved this conversation. I'm just so proud of you, Kristina, you've done so much work.

Krisitna 40:50

I'm proud of myself too. Months ago, I probably would have been like, oh, I don't know. But yeah, no, I feel I feel good. You know, I you know, always have work to do. But it's, you know, I'm, there's no pressure. I'm not putting pressure on myself.

Shannon Jackson 41:12

So good. All right. Well, thank you, Kristina, for coming on and being vulnerable. And I'm so proud of you. And hopefully this encourages some people to to get more vulnerable, with those they love and trust.

Kristina 41:24

Right, I hope so. It was my pleasure being here.