How to Support Your Teen With Anxiety - With Maddy
- Shannon Jackson
- Mar 3, 2024
- 3 min read
How to Support Your Teen With Anxiety - With Maddy
On episode 118 of the podcast, Maddy Weimer joins me to talk about anxiety in teenagers! Maddy is a licensed counselor in Pennsylvania who works with children, teens, and adults. Today, she’s sharing some insight on the topic of anxiety in teenagers - what it is, what it looks like, and how we can support our teens!
Being a teenager in today’s world is extremely hard. Not only do teens face pressure from school, home, and friends, but they have the added stress of phones and social media. Maddy will share more on this in the full podcast episode, but I just want to highlight the importance of meeting your teen with compassion. It’s a lot for anyone to navigate, especially a young person who is still trying to figure out their place in the world! So let’s get into our conversation with Maddy.
What Anxiety In Teens Looks Like
I started by asking Maddy what anxiety in teens might look like. She shared that most often, teens struggling with anxiety tend to also struggle with perfectionism. This perfectionism can make it really difficult for them to be vulnerable and share that they’re struggling, just like many of us adults with anxiety! Along with perfectionism, Maddy also mentioned that self-isolating, irritability, and changes in sleep patterns can be strong indicators that your teen might be struggling, especially when these signs are paired together.
If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you’re probably familiar with my story and journey with anxiety as a teen. When Maddy mentioned these symptoms of anxiety in teens, I immediately thought of myself at that age and couldn’t agree more with what she said. Another sign of anxiety that I personally experienced was changes in appetite. I’d often get stomach aches due to anxiety, and sometimes I would avoid certain foods altogether. Changes in appetite can definitely be an indicator that your teen might need some extra support!
How You Can Support Your Teenager With Anxiety
Maddy mentioned that it can be really helpful to display to your teen that it’s okay to feel anxious. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with them or that they need fixing. Maddy shared that as parents, we often go into ‘fix’ mode, which can be helpful, but might often leave our teens feeling as though they are broken and require fixing. Instead, being supportive and assuring our children that there’s nothing wrong with being anxious can be much more helpful.
Additionally, Maddy mentioned that it’s important to know when to encourage your teen to work through the anxiety and when to allow them to rest. She said that asking them to rate their anxiety on a scale of one to ten can be a great way to gauge whether they need rest or have the ability to continue with a particular activity.
Teaching your teen that uncomfortable emotions are safe to feel can go such a long way! Often times we feel as though we have to run from uncomfortable emotions. And although this might lead to temporary relief, running away from our emotions creates poor coping skills in the long run.
There are so many ways that you can support your teen through this season of their lives, but it all comes down to listening and validating their emotions! If you’d like to hear more details on this topic, make sure to listen to the full podcast episode with Maddy. She has so much helpful information to share with parents of teens struggling with anxiety!
Connect With Maddy!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maddyweimer.lpc/
Counseling services with Maddy: https://counselingwellnesspgh.com/team/child-therapy/
TRANSCRIPT
00:00.80
ahealthypush
Okay, today I am super excited I feel like I always say that but I'm really excited for this conversation because I have not had anyone on yet to talk about anxiety and teenagers. So this is a much needed conversation and I know it's going to be a really good one and I have Maddie here with me. And Maddie and I are going to have a conversation about all the things and we'll just see where it goes so Maddie welcome to healthy fish podcast.
00:22.92
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, oh my gosh. Thank you so much for having me I Also am so excited to talk about this and like just be able to spread some awareness to clearly something that you haven't done yet. So that's really cool. Yeah yeah.
00:35.36
ahealthypush
Yeah, oh it's much needed. So let's just start tell us a little bit about you who's Maddie.
00:43.67
Maddy Weimer
So my name is Maddie I'm a licensed professional counselor in Pennsylvania um I live in Pittsburgh um I typically work with children teenagers young adults that's kind of my specialty area but I always. Also go throughout life as well. Um, so I have some older adults and parents as well and then I do some family work with my teenagers because really important usually to have family on board. Um, and be able to really have. At home happening what we're having in therapy. Um, so yeah, so that's kind of the population I work with um I've been doing this for four or five years now um and yeah, that's kind of like where I've been and yeah. That's kind of a little bit about me.
01:39.10
ahealthypush
I I love it. I love it Maddie and I think you said something that immediately already made me think and and I'm sure we might get there but when I was a teenager of course I was in a um therapy and I had anxiety disorders and a lot going on and. You just made me think how helpful it would have been right to bring my mom in on some of that because they think she knew and had some awareness but really didn't know how I was actually struggling and how to actually help me so but anyway before we go to any place. Specifically let's just.
02:01.41
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
02:10.50
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
02:16.27
ahealthypush
With I know of course being a teenager I was really good at hiding things and I think a lot of teens are really good at hiding things and can appear to be functioning very well despite maybe really struggling. So.
02:22.93
Maddy Weimer
Um, oh yeah.
02:31.27
Maddy Weimer
Um, and.
02:34.65
ahealthypush
In teenagers. How do you see anxiety typically manifesting.
02:39.82
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, so I think that's definitely a big thing that I run into especially because I work with a lot of extreme anxiety cases. Um, and with that can come with like a lot of perfectionism. So for them. It's really hard to.
02:53.20
ahealthypush
If.
02:57.17
Maddy Weimer
Show any type of vulnerability or struggle because then that would mean that they are imperfect in some way. Um, so I often see it come up as well when I'm working with schools and the schools are like what are you talking about? this is like our best student and I'm like.
03:11.19
ahealthypush
A.
03:14.50
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, but you don't see the behind the scenes of what's happening in order for them to get to be that best Student. So I think some of the warning signs that I see for teens that are struggling um isolation pulling Away. Um is a big one like often parents are like. Never come out of their room and this and this and this and I'm like okay yeah, that might be regular teenage I Want space and Independence and it also might be if it's like too much it might be that there's something going on one two irritability is like the biggest thing in Teens. So I think for adults a lot is.
03:43.37
ahealthypush
S.
03:53.57
Maddy Weimer
Times The biggest sign that we see is more of that depressed mood and kind of like sadness and like that kind of thing in teens presents as irritability So when they are pushing back and pushing boundaries and arguing and like.
03:59.47
ahealthypush
F.
04:10.57
Maddy Weimer
Can kind of be short and snippy and all of that stuff. It can be a really big sign of something deeper going on and I do see that happen a lot of times they're like they're fine with their friends. They're fine at school but with parents or siblings or something like that. That irritability is so high and strong because that's where they're able to finally like they're like oh I can't put on this mask anymore and hide what I'm feeling so irritability Isolation. Um. And then like the typical things that we see in anyone any changes changes in patterns of sleep. Um, eating that kind of stuff can be really big warning signs that I see as well.
04:47.98
ahealthypush
E.
04:56.47
ahealthypush
Yeah I'm like of course over here nodding my head like all these check the box you know back when I was a teenager and I think some some other things to write refusing to go to school I can't tell you how many times right? I'd be like.
05:02.58
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
05:12.75
Maddy Weimer
Um, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:15.48
ahealthypush
I Just don't feel good I Just don't want to go and I mean I think my high school years I Missed more school than I actually went and I think it's so tricky though because a lot of the things that you said right? irritability even withdrawal like Avoidance. Um. There are some other things right? like the complaining of like stomach aches and headaches and it's like how do you know as a parent like should I be concerned or is this normal because I think.
05:44.30
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah I know and yeah.
05:47.36
ahealthypush
It's very quick and easy for a lot of parents to just slath the label on it's just hormones. They're just teenagers This is normal and like I don't need to do anything about this.
05:54.55
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah, yeah, it is hard and it's hard to say what it is because sometimes parents come in to me so concerned that like. Like I want them to come out of their room more and I'm like that's just them being a teenager like when I really get into it and talk to them about it. It really does just seem like them being a teenager and I'm like well what are you doing in there and they're like I'm on Tiktok I'm talking to friends I'm facetimeing friends like that's kind of the world that they live in and. How they act and that's okay I think when we see like those other signs and there's like more avoidance of social settings avoidance of school like those types of things that are more problematic behaviors along with that.
06:34.68
ahealthypush
There is.
06:43.58
Maddy Weimer
Is probably when I would be like okay that irritability and wanting to be alone in stuff is not just teenage years and how they act.
06:50.74
ahealthypush
Yeah, yeah, gosh my brain too just went to I think a big indicator for my mom was some eating stuff.
07:01.70
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
07:03.70
ahealthypush
Some restricting of eating and also some substance use stuff I think those were pretty big indicators to my mom of like I've got to actually you know, get her some support. Yeah and I think some of those bigger indicators are obviously really helpful but still even then.
07:10.66
Maddy Weimer
Um, do something.
07:22.71
ahealthypush
Gosh I think you know I I have a little one so I don't quite have a teenager yet but I can imagine how challenging that is as a parent and let's just like talk through what are some of the causes because I think understanding you know why? teenagers.
07:25.39
Maddy Weimer
Are yeah.
07:39.73
ahealthypush
Struggle and what might be going on what might be contributing to this anxiety that you you know may want to help them get some support and help them with like what what causes the anxiety that's more concerning.
07:47.40
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure so like we all remember being a teenager Remember what it's like but hearing my clients talk now I'm like oh my gosh I could never go back to high school like you guys. This is it's brutal.
07:54.10
ahealthypush
Man.
08:02.59
ahealthypush
If.
08:06.64
Maddy Weimer
Out there like the way that they interact and stuff it can be absolutely brutal. So I think some of the causes. It's kind of all over the place for all of my clients and it can be so many different things but you have the environmental triggers. So I think that school now. There's so much pressure on them. The amount of school work that so many of my clients do is through like 2 in the morning and they're not procrastinators and they're not kids that are like you know, avoiding or anything like that. It's truly just that they have so much unbelievable work going on 1 it's awesome. These high schools are like really pushing them and want them to like do big things. But that's what they talk about twenty four seven at school. So. There's this enormous pressure to do something big get into a great school. Go somewhere be something all of that so you're getting it from school. Then they come home and I think the difference for what we experienced as to teenagers now is they come home and we were able to leave school at school if there was friend drama you left it at school if there was like.
09:12.90
ahealthypush
If.
09:19.60
Maddy Weimer
Whatever like pressure from the school to get into a good college and stuff you left it there now they come home and they're sitting in front of their phone. There's no op button with their friends if you've ever seen a teenager's snapchat. Absolutely insane. They have like 200 snapchat notifications at a time to me that's draining socially so they can't get away from that they see oh my friends doing this my friendss doing that. Um, they did really well on their science test I did not do well online. They're still talking about it. They're talking about how hard they're studying I need a break but is that wrong they like get on social media. They see influencers now that are their age that are making millions and they are like I feel this enormous pressure to be doing something more so all that.
10:10.49
ahealthypush
Yeah.
10:14.20
Maddy Weimer
And then I typically see what the real core from all of that is is truly this negative self talklk an image of themselves that is so horrible when you hear them talk about themselves and like how they respond to themselves when they make a mistake or.
10:26.78
ahealthypush
I.
10:32.74
Maddy Weimer
When something goes wrong or just day to day they are ripping themselves apart every single day. So I think the internal of what people don't see is probably some of the biggest reasonings I see for teens struggling.
10:47.99
ahealthypush
Yeah, gosh I so much of what you said right? resonates and I think unfortunately with how kids are being inundated which is so much information and. Social media of course can be incredibly harmful I know it's harmful for myself as an adult and I'm thirty six years old I just think of you know my nephews are more nearing the teenage years and I just think of how overwhelming mentally and.
11:09.49
Maddy Weimer
Yeah.
11:20.51
ahealthypush
And you're right? It leads to this place of constant comparison constant pressure like I have to perform I have to figure out who I am I have to be something incredibly amazing. It's just what a weight you know to carry and those you know.
11:33.43
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah, yeah.
11:39.43
ahealthypush
Then you sort of adopt your own expectations and they might not really be your own. They're coming at you from all different directions and it makes so much sense right? Why So many kids now, especially after the pandemic are walking around with so much anxiety with just the nature of the world that we live in. I Think something that I want to talk about because I think like you said negative self-talk the internal struggles that they are going through are really really big and really overwhelming to navigate as a young person in this World. So I think. Something many of us should go with including teenagers is this overthinking like we're we're thinking constantly about every aspect like how can I do better. How can I be better. How can I you know look more like this person or achieve or how the heck do we.
12:31.59
Maddy Weimer
Right? But yeah I mean that is so hard and I tell all of my teen clients to when I work with them I'm like this is a lifelong skill that.
12:36.77
ahealthypush
Rain it in on the overthinking.
12:47.28
ahealthypush
And.
12:49.76
Maddy Weimer
Most adults don't have a strong grasp on so it's hard so you're not meant to constantly be be perfect with it. But I think some of the best ways to handle it I Really really really love taking a self-compassionate approach. Um, so self-compassion is.
13:04.28
ahealthypush
This.
13:08.99
Maddy Weimer
A lot of people come to me and say like I want to build my confidence I want my confidence higher I Want my self-esteem up and that is great. However, that is so Fragile. So The second you don't and get invited to a friend's house. But someone else gets invited to the friend's house. Second you don't do super well on a test The second you look at someone on social media and think Wow they have it better your confidence depletes. It's so based on achievement and based on exactly what's going on it cracks like an egg immediately. So What I like them to turn to instead is more the self-compassion approach so self-compassion takes more of an idea of kind of like it's also like a worldview as well of we are all human and all humans deserve some type of compassion and kindness. And because I am human that means that I also deserve this compassion and kindness and what I find is I usually will do an exercise with them that I'll say okay think of a time that a friend recently came to you and they were struggling because you love your friends right? and they're like yeah. Come to you. They ask you? They tell you like I did so terrible on this test like I'm so stupid I can't believe it and I say what would you say to them and they're usually like it's not a big Deal. You're awesome like don't worry about it mistakes a mistake. It's just one test like.
14:34.10
ahealthypush
More.
14:41.79
Maddy Weimer
You'll get through this. It doesn't define you like you're so awesome in all these other aspects.. There's so many other things about you and then I say okay now talk to me about a recent time where you were struggling with something and then I say what were you saying to say to yourself and they usually say something along the lines of. You're so stupid. How could you do that? You should have done better all of those things and then I say okay compare the 2 Why is it that we are able to give so much compassion to people that we care and love about but we can't give it to yourself. So That's kind of the.
15:02.90
ahealthypush
Is.
15:17.10
ahealthypush
Kiss.
15:19.53
Maddy Weimer
But job that I like them to see with self-compassion is that they deserve that same compassion that they would give to someone that they love and then trying to cultivate that and figure out like how do I get there is kind of like the best way I think sometimes to stop that like overthinking in comparison. Is really leaning into that.
15:37.26
ahealthypush
Yeah, and I think Gosh I'm really happy to hear that teenagers come to you and say I want more confidence because I don't think I ever could have gotten those words out or recognized that when I was a teenager but a lot of what I was looking for was. More confidence more trust in knowing in myself and my identity that like it is okay that I'm where I'm at and this is what things look like and just being more confident So I'm so happy to hear that and I think recognizing right self-compassion is this tool is this. Thing that we can use to help us to experience more of these things that we want and to build more you know, solid trust in ourselves of like okay it's okay that it looks how it does but here's what I actually want here's what I'm going to work toward and like I'm going to let myself be human in the process.
16:12.86
Maddy Weimer
You heard.
16:29.33
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
16:32.28
ahealthypush
It's It's just wild's right of how much crossover I think of course the teenage brain and the adult fully formed brain is is different but acknowledging we all really need a lot of the same things when we're struggling with anxiety like it's crazy.
16:49.27
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah, yeah.
16:51.37
ahealthypush
And I think you know I I want to get into something because I know this is something that people you know, especially ah ah, parents of teenagers and children. Um and my community really struggle with is I. I struggle right? The parent struggles personally with an anxiety disorder and they're really worried or fearful that their child or teenager has begun to struggle because of them and they're thinking Oh my gosh like what do I do? What do I do to support them.
17:19.67
Maddy Weimer
For her.
17:28.23
ahealthypush
I Don't want them to struggle And yeah I just am curious. What would you say to that parent.
17:34.50
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, yeah, I mean I think at least weekly I have a parent come and sit in front of me and they are like Maddie what the heck do I do like I just want I just I just need a little bit of guidance because. I just want my kid to be the happiest they can possibly be and I feel lost because there's no, there's literally no handbook There's no guidebook and every kid's different. So it's really hard to say and I think that's sometimes where the support of a therapist is really helpful because I can.
17:54.89
ahealthypush
Ah.
18:10.33
Maddy Weimer
Get this inner insight from the teen and then work with the parent and helping them understand that because I know parents are like well is that the same thing and I'm like yeah but your mom and dad and that's sometimes how it is but I think for those types of parents I would.
18:19.85
ahealthypush
Yeah, ah.
18:28.62
Maddy Weimer
Also recommend that they follow the same types of things that they that I'm telling their teens are the same things that they should be doing as well. So first thing awareness is like huge. So if you're coming to me and already saying like. I have anxiety and I am so scared that like because of me I'm seeing them struggle now and stuff I'm like okay well you already have this strong awareness. So. That's the first step is that you're already aware that you have anxiety and it could sometimes bleed into your teenager one 2 let's take the burden off a little bit. It is not all on the parent and it is not all because of them. There are so many other things that are contributing to your teens anxiety mood depression. All of those things.
19:11.98
ahealthypush
This.
19:23.18
Maddy Weimer
Than just your own mental health if you feel like your mental health is struggling so much that it's like actually really really really bleeding into the rest of your family Obviously please go seek help through your own therapist as well. But I think it can be also this fun journey of like. You're struggling and I am also experiencing similar things and let's try and like work through this together and let's really both lean into taking care of ourselves being compassionate towards ourselves because if they see you following those steps of like strong coping skills. Strong self-compassion challenging distorted thoughts and like thought errors and stuff they then will also be able to model that because while they have that strong brain that like is starting to resemble adulthood. They're also still children which can be treated like adults because I think that that.
20:14.74
ahealthypush
Yes.
20:20.40
Maddy Weimer
Serves them well and that they deserve to be treated like they aren't a child yet at the same time they are still learning and their brain is their brain is still picking things up so they're going to model things and do what you do? So I think it can also be a good way for. Parents to really be motivated to take care of and take care of themselves too.
20:40.12
ahealthypush
Yeah, oh my gosh I'm so glad you said that because they think as a parent right? I think we just always want to fix like.
20:50.64
Maddy Weimer
Um, yes.
20:52.80
ahealthypush
I see that you're really struggling and I want to fix this for you and I want to make you better and I want to make sure that you're you know, happy all the time which isn't really even achievable right? right? But I think you go into this fix mode rather than.
20:59.38
Maddy Weimer
Um, stop Heuristic I.
21:08.62
ahealthypush
Like taking a step back and saying right? What do I actually have control of and something huge that I have control of is how I'm caring for myself. How I'm nurturing myself because they're learning from me of course and so I think part of this really goes to like. Letting them see that you are actively working on yourself and having a healthy response to anxiety and really navigating their emotions your own emotions that they can see how to navigate their own in healthy ways because they think something.
21:30.66
Maddy Weimer
Okay.
21:44.46
ahealthypush
So many of my students and clients say right is I remember as a teenager as a young child I was super anxious or I had my first panic attack and I had no idea what it was I had no idea what was happening it scared the absolute shit out of me and.
21:54.45
Maddy Weimer
Are.
22:01.44
ahealthypush
And like I wish somebody had talked about it and so I think that's the other challenge to right for parents is you you want to protect Them. You want to shield them and and make sure that they're not going through hard things. But where's the line right of like. Actually talking about some of these hard big emotions and not trying to always hide shield and protect them. Yeah.
22:22.83
Maddy Weimer
Um, chill. Yeah yeah, and 1 thing that you said that really really resonates with me so I in family sessions I would say. The number one conversation that I will have with teens and their parents is the teen comes to me and is like they just like I'll tell them something and they'll be like well just do this like right? they fix it. Most of my parents are fixers and they want to fix it.
22:50.81
ahealthypush
Yes.
22:57.38
Maddy Weimer
And I totally get why right? you want to fix it and sometimes it's hard to hear your teen talk about something over and over and over again without fixing it because you're like we as adults now have these experiences that we are able to. Look back on and are like okay well in my experience This worked for me. So Let me give you that so that you can fix it what I hear over and over again mostly teens really just want someone to listen so empathy is.
23:30.44
ahealthypush
Oh.
23:34.85
Maddy Weimer
All they want. That's literally all they want and then through that empathy eventually you'll probably be able to work through finding solutions and stuff so they're not just like sitting there in their miserable state without doing anything but the first thing that teens won. Is really just someone to listen. So sometimes I'll tell parents like hey 1 of the best things to say when they're complaining about something is to say hey do you want a solution right now or do you just want someone to listen I would say no no 10 times they just want someone to listen.
24:04.20
ahealthypush
Oh.
24:09.88
Maddy Weimer
And that listening does not mean things like oh I get what you're going through because I had this experience in bubble Bla Butt. No they literally just want you to be like that is so freaking annoying that sucks, you know what? that really sucks and like. I can see how that's really frustrating for you. Your E is like literally all they want they thrive off of it.
24:27.97
ahealthypush
Yeah. Yeah, gosh this sounds like me right? like when I have a problem and like Ni and I don't need you to fix it I just want you to listen like don't try to solve this trust me if this were really solvable I probably would have figured it out by now.
24:41.90
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
24:45.33
Maddy Weimer
Would do it? Yeah yeah I would do it. Yeah, they don't like that that they don't hear a solution and they don't want to hear that like oh it's not a big deal. You'll be fine. They don't want to hear that either. They just want. They just want empathy So think about like you said like.
24:50.42
ahealthypush
Yeah, any.
24:58.41
ahealthypush
But ah, yeah.
25:04.69
Maddy Weimer
That's what you want? That's what they want to. They want the same thing.
25:06.12
ahealthypush
yeah yeah I think that's so much of becoming a parent right? I've had to pause right in so many moments where I want to fix and I want to protect and I have to ask myself slow it down Shannon like what is actually going to be helpful and.
25:22.31
Maddy Weimer
Um.
25:26.36
ahealthypush
Allowing her to do more navigating and figuring out and me just being there to say you know what do you need? How can I help do you want me to listen. Do you want me to solve you know and and I think just listening and giving them that love that. That empathy. Oh my gosh that was like the best thing that my mom did for me when I was struggling truly and and I think too I Love your thoughts on this because I think I've worked with a lot of people to who their parents will often say my kid is.
25:44.93
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah, but yeah.
25:59.39
ahealthypush
You know, a really shy kid My kid's a really anxious kid and it makes me cringe so hard because I feel like I got labeled as an anxious kid I got labeled as that kid that always was sort of problematic or at least that's how I translated it. So I think these.
26:15.74
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
26:18.99
ahealthypush
Labels too. It can be really hard for kids to take that on and feel like my gosh. Everyone is just labeling me as this kid and maybe I am this kid and maybe this is entirely who I am I'm just anxious. Wow What a problem.
26:35.91
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, yeah, so in my first couple of years um working as a therapist I was working in an intensive outpatient program. So those kids were in treatment for 9 hours a week. It was a lot. But I think especially for a lot of those teenagers that were going through that as well. Um, labels can one be helpful in some ways because it gives you some type of like identification of okay this is normal and I now have an understanding and a reasoning why? But there's also the other side. Of just being that anxious shy kid that can be so harmful as well I hear so many teens that would come to me and just say like my parents just think I'm something broken that needs fixed. They just want me fixed and when I talk to the parents.
27:25.76
ahealthypush
Ah.
27:31.30
Maddy Weimer
It's not necessarily what they're thinking. They just want their child to be happy but because they're always like talking about how they are so anxious and they're so depressed and they're so shy instead of sometimes leaning into that and being like yeah it is okay to be anxious.
27:34.51
ahealthypush
Yeah.
27:45.19
ahealthypush
If.
27:49.65
Maddy Weimer
There's nothing wrong with being anxious I think learning to sit in that anxiety is one of the most important things learning that we can do because otherwise we're running away from the emotion and it usually leads to pork coping skills. So. Instead of labeling that as like something bad, It's not label it as something that is okay and normal to experience that we are going to get through and you don't want to feel like that forever and it's definitely difficult and challenging. But it's okay to do those challenging hard things and be uncomfortable Sometimes that's not a bad thing right.
28:29.89
ahealthypush
Ah, Gosh dang. That's so good. It's so good because I think right normalizing because it is very normal, especially as a teenager I feel like what teenager doesn't experience. Ah.
28:39.66
Maddy Weimer
Are you.
28:42.81
ahealthypush
Anxiety and especially oftentimes an overwhelming amount of anxiety that can you know look like having panic attacks and like some really scary stuff and I think this is 1 thing you know I talked to my mom about. As an adult I you know she experienced panic as a kid or as a young adult and I said I just wish you would have talked to me about it. You know I wish you would have just normalized the feelings of anxiety and what it can look like and.
28:59.45
Maddy Weimer
But.
29:07.71
Maddy Weimer
People.
29:12.84
ahealthypush
To help me understand like what was going on and I think just having a better understanding of emotions themselves like would have helped me insanely and I have the best mom in the entire world. But I think we're all working off of right? The knowledge that we have and.
29:19.26
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
29:24.83
Maddy Weimer
Um, ah yeah.
29:32.18
ahealthypush
And I think it's hard. It's so hard being a parent and so I think like you said being compassionate with yourself Also as the parent trying to help your teenager like that is huge and not telling yourself. You're the reason you're the cause they're they are you know.
29:40.93
Maddy Weimer
Um, oh dad.
29:50.48
ahealthypush
Like you said quote broken because of you or oh my goodness that stuff right is not going to be helpful at All. There's so much goodness here and I think so can you just give an example because I know people are probably curious of like my child. Definitely has an anxiety disorder is definitely struggling I don't really know like whether I should be like helping them or pushing them or really like encouraging them like is there a line there right? I that that's so tricky.
30:23.77
Maddy Weimer
Yeah, yeah, there is such a line and um so one of my specialties is ocd obsessive compulsive disorder which is an anxiety disorder and in that treatment. It's all about exposure and sometimes there is. A little bit more of a push um instead of avoidance of things that the brain is saying that you're scared of um and in that modality I like to really implement with the family kind of like a fear hierarchy and a number system of okay they're freaking out right now. I want to push them to do hard things and I want them to be able to push through anxiety sometimes but I really don't know when to push and when to pull back so I play with them with a number system a little bit and implement that with the teenager as well. So one to 10 how how anxious are you right? now if you they are in. 8 9 10 gosh. Don't push them anymore. They probably can't handle it at all. So that's when we we pull back and don't push them to go do the things that they're scared of and hard and that's hard to do then we're in like the 5 six seven zone that might be where we really encourage positive coping skills. And encouraging them to do all of the things that are going to help them calm down from that anxiety and then below that is really where you can encourage and get them to push through any uncomfortable feelings because they can probably handle things that are 1 through 4 right? So even just.
31:57.15
Maddy Weimer
Ah, simple as a number system it can work differently for every family Some people just like to be like easy medium hard. How is like how terrible is this right now or like absolutely earth-shattering or mediocre or easy like.. What do we think right now. But I think even just that and like talking to your teenager before of like I want to know when I should lay off So What can we do so that I can be able to lay off easier without you having to say too many words right? because we all know that if I mean if I'm super anxious.
32:21.42
ahealthypush
M.
32:35.36
Maddy Weimer
Please don't ask me too any questions right? like I can't answer anyway I'm anxious like I don't want to answer that so just something as simple as like 1 to 10 how bad right now that's a simple answer that they can be like 8 leave me alone and you all understood. Let me lie off for a bit right.
32:47.89
ahealthypush
Bright. Yeah.
32:54.43
Maddy Weimer
So that can help as well understand kind of that line of when do I push when do I pull back.
33:00.17
ahealthypush
Oh my goodness Maddie so much of what you shared has been so incredibly helpful and I just feel like what keeps popping into my brain right now is just not not convincing yourself as the parent right? that all of this is your faults. Or that your kid is broken and that you need to fix them and and like there's just so much goodness in that and self-compassion on all levels like you really learning it. You really getting good at it and and helping your teenager to get good at that because.
33:25.29
Maddy Weimer
Yeah.
33:35.60
ahealthypush
That is something that I swear if I had learned earlier on it would have changed so much for me like so much. Um, but yeah I I love this conversation. So if people ah have of course teenagers or.
33:39.66
Maddy Weimer
Um, yeah.
33:51.30
ahealthypush
Or younger adults and they want to find and connect with you and learn a bit more from you where can they find and connect with you.
33:56.20
Maddy Weimer
So you can find me on Instagram at Maddie Weimer so MADDYWEIMER.LPC so Maddie Weimer Dot Lpc is where you can go. You can follow me message me there and I'd be happy to talk.
34:10.55
ahealthypush
Ayla.
34:15.31
Maddy Weimer
With people a little bit more there as well. Yeah, no problem.
34:16.44
ahealthypush
I love that. Thank you so much Maddie.
