On my recent episode of A Healthy Push podcast, I was excited to welcome Amber Trejo, an integrative trauma therapist and coach, specializing in childhood trauma.
Childhood trauma, while unfortunately somewhat common, can be an ambiguous and multi-layered subject. It can occur and manifest in many different ways, and affect each individual differently. We’ll cover some of the key topics Amber and I discussed, and be sure to listen to the episode for full context!
Common Forms of Childhood Trauma
One of the first things Amber and I discussed was the different ways trauma can present itself. Certain traumas can be fairly easy to identify, while other forms can be more difficult to recognize and interpret. Amber discussed her personal experiences with childhood trauma, while illustrating some common signs of childhood trauma, including:
Abuse (Emotional and/or Physical)
Neglect/Abandonment
Parent Struggling with Alcoholism/Drug Addiction
Experience in a Foster Care System
The different experiences listed here can be interpreted as a more stereotypical image of childhood trauma. Although subjective, with varying degrees of severity and form, experiencing these types of trauma on any level can be devastating. Amber defines many of these experiences as ‘explicit memories’: memories that you can vividly recall as being negative and traumatizing in one way or another. While this form of trauma can be identified in many cases, it doesn’t by any means make it easier to process.
Unrecognized Trauma
Another interesting subject Amber and I touched on was forms of childhood trauma that are sometimes unidentified or unrealized. People with these experiences are oftentimes unaware of the issues they can cause, or have caused, and are convinced their childhood was good and trauma didn’t exist.
These traumatic experiences or events almost always occur in children who grew up in a nuclear family system. Meaning you had two parents at home, there was food on the table and clothes on your back, maybe you went on vacations every year, etc. On the surface, it can appear and disguise itself as a totally normal and healthy family environment, but it can be far from reality. From afar, this false sense of stability can oftentimes mask the trauma occurring, especially as the environment becomes your “normal”.
Two major indicators and characteristics of nuclear family system trauma are what Amber refers to as ‘rigid boundaries’ and ‘unexplained tension’. These boundaries and tensions are often emotional in nature, and can present in ways such as:
Poor or No Communication (“we don’t talk about that”)
Lack of Vulnerability
Emotional Neglect
Passive Aggressive Environment
Inherently Negative Energy from Parent(s)
While these forms of trauma differ from explicit memories or singular events, the recurrence of these experiences can be equally damaging. If you grow up feeling as if you can’t be vulnerable with your family, or your feelings are being invalidated in one way or another, you will tend to turn inward. Eventually, you may start shutting down emotionally in an attempt to protect yourself and your feelings, inadvertently hindering your emotional health and growth. You may start carrying and dealing with difficult things on your own because you feel as though it’s not “normal” or acceptable to share them. Over time, you may start questioning yourself, feeling like you’re the problem.
Additionally, if there is a constant, unexplained tension within your home environment, it can inhibit you from feeling emotionally safe and secure, anywhere. Couple these tensions with an already established number of rigid boundaries, and it can inflame the already evolving insecurity and isolation within you. It creates a “walking on eggshells” home environment, specifically when these perceived tensions are never acknowledged or communicated.
How Childhood Trauma Impacts Your Relationship With Anxiety Now
Amber shares: “When there is trauma that has occurred that has changed our bodies, it's living in our bodies and it changes the way we respond to things. It changes the way we choose our partners. It changes the way we parent. So when you ask where it shows up, it shows up everywhere. It shows up in the way we soothe ourselves. It shows up in how we communicate with other people…”
As Amber shared, these types of environments and traumas can lead to a host of emotional issues later in life. Anxieties, relationship troubles, communication issues, and the inability to effectively process your own thoughts and emotions, to name a few. After all, if you’ve learned from a young age that it’s not acceptable or safe to share your thoughts and emotions with your family, the people who are supposed to be closest to you, how do you think you’ll approach others? You can end up questioning the validity of your thoughts and feelings in general, making you feel as though you can never truly show your complete, authentic self. However, I need to emphasize that healing from childhood trauma and creating a healthy relationship with yourself and anxiety is possible, and there are lots of resources and tools to help you do this work.
If you find the subject of childhood trauma intriguing, or it has affected you personally, I encourage you to listen to our full conversation!
Here are some other things we chatted about:
Polyvagal theory, how it applies here, and how it’s helpful
Being stuck in the fight-or-flight mode and how to get yourself to a calmer place
Do we have to go back to our childhood to fix things now?
EMDR and how it can be tailored to you and your recovery
Amber is incredibly knowledgeable and insightful, and I can’t thank her enough for joining me on this subject! To learn more about Amber, her journey, and how to get support from her, head here.
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