Anxiety Success Stories - Emily's Journey to Overcoming Driving Anxiety
- Shannon Jackson
- Jan 7, 2024
- 3 min read
In this week’s podcast episode, we have another amazing anxiety success story! I always hear how much the A Healthy Push community enjoys these success stories; the feeling is mutual! Emily joins us today to talk about her decade-long journey with driving anxiety and panic attacks. She recently finished my 10-week program, Panic to Peace, and has made incredible progress with the lessons she’s learned. You’ll want to stick around to the end to hear how far Emily has come on her anxiety recovery journey!
Anxiety Success Stories: Emily's Journey to Overcoming Driving Anxiety
Let’s start by getting to know Emily a little bit! Emily is a wife, dog and cat mom, sister, and friend. She loves adventuring, spending time in the mountains, kayaking, biking, and fitness… so guess that she and I have a lot in common! One day in 2013, Emily and her husband were driving on the highway when she experienced her first panic attack. While her husband was driving, she started to feel dizzy and feared that she was going to lose control.
If you’ve ever experienced a panic attack, you know how terrifying they can feel. So often, people tell me that they had no idea what was happening when they had their first panic attack, which, of course, makes them that much more scary. Emily also had no idea that she was experiencing a panic attack at the time, which added to her fear of being on the highway.
Over time, Emily started avoiding highways altogether. She would only drive on backroads with her husband, and eventually, the roads and circumstances she would drive in became more restricted. I think it’s important to note that the situation and the panic aren’t the issue, it’s the unhelpful thought process behind it. And once Emily started my program, Panic to Peace, she realized that she was capable of breaking free of these unhelpful responses!
The Lessons That Helped Emily Begin To Heal
During our conversation, Emily mentioned two of the lessons she’s learned that have helped her heal the most. The first was learning to be vulnerable about her struggles, and understanding that she’s not failing because of these struggles. Emily shared that she had lots of fear about being in elevators, and when she shared this fear with her family, she realized she wasn’t alone. This vulnerability gave her the courage to take an elevator to the 18th floor of a building for her sister's wedding. I couldn’t think of a more beautiful example of the power of vulnerability!
The second lesson that has helped Emily is learning that she doesn’t have to respond to panic in order to be safe. In our conversation, she told me “That was one of my big things to say to myself, I am safe. And I don't have to do anything. I love when you taught us that in our class (Panic to Peace), just the art of just not doing. I don't have to try to escape”. This lesson led to so much healing for Emily, and I know it will for you, too. Because when you realize that you don’t have to do anything in order to be safe from panic attacks, you open up a lot of new doors for yourself!
Where is Emily Now?
Emily had some pretty major milestones to share on the podcast. For starters, she went on a road trip across the country for her sister’s wedding! She shared that she experienced some anticipatory anxiety and panic on the drive, but she chose to remember her why and see how capable she was! On this trip, she took the elevator and got to stand by her sister at her wedding. And recently, Emily took her car to get the oil change alone! This is such a major shift and I couldn’t be happier to see Emily leading the life of freedom she has dreamed of.
If you’re curious how my program, Panic to Peace, can support your anxiety recovery journey, click here to read more. Each lesson is intentionally designed to help you create more peace and joy in your life, along with the actionable steps you can take in your daily life to overcome anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia!
Make sure to listen to the full podcast for all of the details about Emily’s anxiety success story for all of the inspiration and goodness!
TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to a healthy push Podcast. I'm Shannon Jackson, former anxiety sufferer turned adventure mom and anxiety recovery coach. I struggled with anxiety, panic disorder and agoraphobia for 15 years. And now I help people to push past the stuff that I used to struggle with. Each week, I'll be sharing real and honest conversations, along with actionable and practical steps that you can take to help you push past your anxious thoughts, the symptoms, panic and fears. Welcome. You're right, we're meant to be. Okay, today is another one of those really fun and inspiring and hopeful conversations and just the conversations I love so much. I have a panic to pee student here with me and Emily took the program over the summer. And I'm just so excited for her to share her story with you and for you to get to know her. And there's going to be so much goodness that comes out of this conversation. I know it. So Emily, welcome to Healthy push podcast.
Hi, Shannon, thank you so much for having me on here. I just feel so honored to be a part of this and just to be able to share my story. And just my experience with panic to peace, because I know you're doing amazing things that have helped so many people, including myself, and so I'm just excited to, you know, be on here and share my story and hope that maybe it could help someone else.
Yeah, I love it. And it will there's like so much that people take away from these conversations. And it's just, I think about it and like I would have killed to like, just hear a conversation like this back when I was struggling to really feel like I wasn't alone and to get that validation and hope. And so yeah, this is gonna be really good. But let's just start with who is Emily, tell us a little bit about you.
Um, so I currently reside in Kansas City. I lived here most of my life. I'm married, I've been married for almost 13 years. We do not have kids right now. But that's something maybe in the future we will do. But I've kind of like currently with my occupation. I'm not working right now. But I did go and get a master's degree in counseling, specifically school counseling. And so I did that four years ago, my undergrad was from K State in advertising. And really, it's just my husband and I and our dog Penny. She's a golden retriever. And we have two cats as well, Charlie and Hugo. And they're actually named after characters from the TV show last. So that's kind of just a fun fact about us that we really enjoyed that TV show. I'm just trying to think what else like I really love to read. I love to, I've been working out with a personal trainer I really enjoy, just like physical activity. Um, we really enjoy traveling we, you know, go on road trips together all the time, my husband and I, and just love going to the mountains anywhere that we can hike or like Kayak or go bike riding is like what we love to do.
Yeah. Oh, I love it. Some of the pictures that you've shared with me. During your adventures, I'm like, Yes, get it like so. So much goodness, I'm like gonna add that to the list. Gotta add that to the list. So let's glitch of it. Because it's interesting, right? People hearing you say I take road trips, I travel I like do all this stuff. So we'll get there. Right. But let's talk about when did you notice anxiety start to pop up and be part of the equation.
I think for me, it really was. I'm trying to think back like it has been so long that I have struggled with anxieties, specifically with driving anxiety. I think it happened back in like 2013 There was an instance where I was driving on the highway. And my husband and I was in the I was in the passenger seat. And we were driving to a store and I just panicked like on the highway. I just like just felt dizzy all the sudden I felt that I was going to lose control. And so I tried to get off the highway. But of course the next exit was another highway so I couldn't even just get off it was onto some another highway. And so then that made me panic even more because I couldn't just get off. And that was really the first time that I really had like anxiety with driving. Before that had happened. I was the one who had to be in control. I was the one who had to drive everywhere. I was the one you know driving to K State, which was two hours away from me, or driving downtown to my job, on the highway, no problems before that incident. And that's really what it started. So it's been about 10 years.
Yeah. How scary, right? I am curious because people either say, like, I knew what was happening, or I had no freaking clue what was happening. And it scared me. Did you sort of know what was happening? Or you're like, What the heck is this?
I think it was more just what the heck is this? Like, I, I, you know, I've had anxiety with other things before that just you know, normal, you know, things that you get anxious about. But that was really the first time with driving where I really felt out of control and felt like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna pass out, I'm gonna, something bad is going to happen. And it just was so sudden that I freaked out and didn't know what to do. And other than get off the highway.
Right, right. Like, how the heck can I get away from this feeling and make this go away? What a normal reaction, right? I I'm curious, like, Where where's your husband? And all of this? Is he like, Oh, my goodness.
Yes. So he was actually on the phone with his parents talking to them. And I just remember him saying, I gotta go. And he like, hung up on them. And he was like, What's the matter? And I said, I don't know. I have to, like, I have to get out. And, and so then that kind of freaked him out. Because as a passenger, you know, of course, that would freak anyone out. And so he, he was okay, like, once we, you know, I got off the highway finally. And I was able to calm down. And he asked me, he was like, what was that? And I said, I don't know, I have no idea. What just happened. I just felt completely trapped. And I just panicked. And so I didn't know what to do about it.
Yeah. Oh, it's so scary. I think especially, it adds to the scariness. Right? When you're doing something like driving, you're behind the wheel, and you're just like, oh, my gosh, this feels like something really terrible is gonna happen. It adds to that, you know, it feels super risky, super scary. So I don't want to make any assumptions. But what happened after this event and right, like, did it did it was it just like, okay, that happened, and I was okay, for a while, or, gosh, that's really when things started to snowball.
That is really when things started to snowball for me. So I do remember, we got off, I was able to get off the highway, and we drove to the store. So like, I didn't switch seats with my husband, like I did drive to where we were going. But then after that, I refuse to get back on the highway. And it was so bad that like, I wouldn't even let him drive me on the highway because I was afraid of experiencing those symptoms again, and having just like that anxiety attack happen. And so for a while, it was like he had to avoid highways, too. If I was in the car, I would not ride in a car on the highway. And that made things you know, really difficult when you're trying to go visit family or, you know, go places, and you have to take back roads everywhere you go.
Yeah. And write if you want to go on a road trip that sort of that the highway has to be part of that equation.
Yes. And so it's your word trips that we just didn't do for a few years, because I was so anxious about driving on the highway and getting back on it. I remember my in laws, they live four hours away, and they didn't understand why we weren't coming to see them anymore. You know, and it was really, because I was just having such panic about driving. And there wasn't, I didn't know how to explain it to them with to make them understand that this was the root of it. It wasn't because I didn't want to see them. It was just because I was so nervous and anxious. And taking the backroads for four hours would have made our trip, you know, seven hours. Yeah, that was really, it was a hard time.
Yeah, that's so tough, right when other people are sort of a part of the equation and it can be really hard to be vulnerable and actually share with people like this is what's going on and sometimes people really don't even understand especially if it's nothing that they've experienced or gone through before. They're like, Okay, you feel anxious like but just get in the car and like come but we know experiencing it's not that simple. And it can be incredibly hard to share that stuff because you do you feel shame about it, you're like, I wish I could just get in the car and go and I know that like, the panic is not really going to hurt me, it's not going to kill me. But I don't want to feel that way. So was, you know, you saying I know so many people can relate to this, like I just would not get back on the highway, it was not going to do that did it then trickle into like other areas when you were driving, or did it really sort of just stick to the highway,
it for a while, it really was just the highway. I did. Okay, driving on side roads. So I personally haven't driven on the highway since probably 2013. I might have, I think I did try to get back on one time. But every single time I would go to get on the on ramp, I would turn my car around, you know, I was doing the avoidance, I was not like when my heart would start racing, my hands would start sweating. And I started to like panic and think that like, there's no way I'm going to be able to get off the highway if I panic and pass out or something like that. And so I know, there are times like I did try to get back on the highway. But um, back to your original question, though. Um, I did, okay, driving, like on my own places, or driving my husband places for a while. And then it kind of started to turn into like, I'll only go so far. And I don't know exactly what happened there. But I know it's probably related somehow. But really, it got bad for me after grad school, like right, when graduation was happening for me. And that was around COVID. It was during COVID. And it was just like, with COVID, my bubble just kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller, because we weren't going anywhere. And so even just driving down the street to the grocery store was really challenging and really hard for me and I would get anxious and and then I ended up getting a job online to be a school counselor online. And so I didn't even have to go anywhere. And so therefore then driving anywhere made me 10 times more anxious when I actually had to go somewhere. And I would rely on my husband so much to drive me places. And it came to the point where it was like I only trusted him to drive me. And he had to try to be the one to drive like I wouldn't do it.
Yeah, yeah, you didn't even really trust yourself anymore, that it was like, only him at least I feel, you know, comfortable with him. And I couldn't do it if I'm with him, which is something that so many people struggle with. So, you know, it makes sense, right? That it started with the highway, you started to avoid the highway and then it sort of starts to trickle into your every day, you were okay for a little bit. And then you know, we have this, whether it's you know, life circumstances, or own levels of avoidance where we don't have to face the things or we don't face the things and we don't do them. And so then we start to feel oh, this, this feels more comfortable. I don't even have to get into the car, I don't even have to really go please don't have to do the things and especially through COVID A lot of people found there's a sort of this other way to live and recognizing, although it is more comfortable, in a sense, it's actually quite uncomfortable to be so limited. And to feel like your world is has shrunken so small that any task it feels like is now really incredibly hard for you to do. So I'm curious, was it did you still at that point? Did you go on trips and do things but your husband had to be the driver and you felt you could do it that way? Or was it like no, I wasn't doing any of that stuff.
It was um, that my husband could drive me so on the highway, but he did do all the driving. So there was my first like, getting back on the highway. Like after I had that panic attack was in 2017. My cousin got married in San Diego, and I really wanted to be there for her wedding. And I knew, like I haven't flown since our honeymoon not flying is a whole different story. But I'm driving though, like, I knew I wanted to be there. I didn't have a good reason to not be there. And I just you know, like I loved her and I wanted to support her. And so that was our really big trip that I took getting back on the highway since I had that anxiety attack. And that was really hard because, you know, Kansas City to San Diego isn't, you know, an easy drive. So it took us you know three days but I Um, I do remember panicking when we got to Albuquerque, because that was the halfway point. And it was, I'm the furthest away from family. At that point, you know, I'm furthest away from Kansas City, and we were furthest away from San Diego. And I just remember crying and throwing, like, just having an emotional breakdown in the hotel room to my husband saying we had to turn around, this is too dangerous, something's gonna happen. No one's around to help us if we need it. And he just said, like, let's just go to sleep. See how we feel in the morning. And then, you know, if we need to turn around, we'll turn around and go back home. And I remember waking up that day, we ended up going to the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, because that was happening at that time. And I think that experience gave me some hope of like, wow, like, this is a really cool experience. And it gave me I don't know, just like this new hope that okay, like, we can get the rest of the way. Like the closer we get to San Diego, the closer we get to family. And so like that was just kind of like the courage that I needed to complete that road trip. And so once we did that road trip, I felt confident that okay, well, now we can do more, because I made it from Kansas City to San Diego, on the highway with my husband driving, like, I can make it, you know, to Montana or to national park or to Florida.
Yeah, I mean, it's amazing what we can do, or what we really can realize that we can do when we really want it or we feel like we have no choice. And we have to do it. And so you know, people will often say, There's no way I can do that. I can't do that right now. And it's not really that you can't do it, it's just that you don't believe you can maybe you're not trying right, maybe you're not taking some of the steps to work toward it. It's not that you can't do it. But obviously it feels really, like big, really uncomfortable, like, there's no way but you doing this trip, right? You are able to see, okay, I can actually be on the highway again, granted my husband driving, but I can actually do this, I can actually allow myself to feel this level of uncomfort and be so far away from you know, quote, safety, family and all the things. And I think to you know, I want to mention, because something that you say said that a lot of people struggle with is it sort of morphs, right? It goes from the highway, then to, you know, regular roads, and then you start sticking to back roads and all the things. And it's not right, I always say it's not the driving, it's not the roads. It's not the highway. It's it's not those things. It's really the stories that are going on what you're telling yourself how you're responding to the thoughts and the feelings because your brain doesn't have any clue that you're a mile from your house or on a huge road trip to California. Right? Your brain doesn't know the difference. But were you were saying to your husband, right? Oh, gosh, we're so far from home, where this is too dangerous, like, what if we need help, and nobody's around to help us like, it's that stuff, right? That creates these pathways in our brains that say, this is not okay, this is we can't do this, right, we have to, we have to pull back. And so it's it's not the roads, it's not the distance, it's not the driving, and you know, being able to see that sort of how it starts to, to, like really go into all these different areas of your life and become a lot more limiting. But so what happened after this trip, I'm curious.
So this trip, like I said, it did give it gave me a lot more, you know, confident encouraged to be able to do other road trips, again, my husband has done all the driving, and I did I know and panic to peace, you talk about safety items on that road trip, I had my weighted blanket, I had my essential oils, I had my repetitive music I had listened to and I felt anxious. I even laid in the backseat. So I couldn't see sometimes like when we were going down mountains or if I just was feeling anxious. And so like I was using those like safety items that I continued to use that on more road trips that we have done when we've you know gone to Montana or Colorado or Florida and I think to one of my safety things too is like I have to plan like just knowing, you know, like where are we going to stop and what if the weather's bad? Like where do we go and being able to be flexible on those road trips I think for me was is also kind of like a safety net. Because we were in Montana on a road trip and it started to storm like really bad like hail and everything and so we ended up staying in the night and a place we weren't planning like planning on staying just because the weather was bad. So Building in like that flexibility to be able to change plans for me is a big was like a big safety net?
Yeah, yeah, of course you feel like you if you can control things, and you can make things certain, then you'll be okay, the anxiety won't be there and you will have to feel all those uncomfortable feelings. So it's amazing that you continued to get on the highway and do these things and take these trips.
It is very, I will say, it's scary, though, just because I do solely rely on my husband. And still, I still feel that way on road trips. So I kind of joke with him, I say, if anything happens to you, and like you break a leg or an ankle and you can't drive like we're living here, like, this is our new home. And I know that that's not true. Like, that won't happen. But that to me is just like, it's so hard to then imagine myself being able to drive, like far distance and in a place that's unfamiliar to me.
Yeah, of course it does, right, because you haven't done this and so long, like it makes sense the things that we don't do for a long period of time. And then you say, Hey, we're gonna do this thing. And you know, it's like, me going on my solo trip, right? Or need starting to do more hikes by myself. What do you mean, we're gonna do that? We're not doing that? That's, that seems like a terrible idea. And it's like, of course it does. I mean, it feels uncomfortable and scary, because I don't do it, like, very often. So of course, you're gonna feel that. So I'm curious with with, like, the years passing, right, and the driving anxiety really being at the forefront. I'm assuming that's a huge reason why you signed up for panic to fuse, but I'm curious, like, what got you to the point where you were like, Okay, I need I want to, like, be a part of this program and see, see what it can do for me.
So I think for me, it was really just, you know, like, I felt like, I was able to drive on the highway, right in the car, as long as my husband was driving, but then my bubble with driving got smaller, and smaller and smaller. So like, I couldn't hardly go to the grocery store down the street without panicking, or, you know, thinking something like I was gonna lose control of the car. And literally, our store is, I don't know, like less than a mile away. It's not very far. But like, that became hard. And so I knew, Okay, like, I need to do something, and I don't know what to do. And so my friend actually was following you on Instagram, and she sent me like, one of your Instagram reels or tic TOCs that you make about, you know, driving and, you know, just taking anxiety with you, and we're just gonna do it. We're gonna get in the car. And we're just gonna dive and I just related to that so much and felt so seen by like, with that, and I was just like, this is someone who gets it like this is someone who understands what a like driving anxiety is like. And so I saw you are offering a masterclass on driving anxiety back in March, and so I signed up to do the driving anxiety course, and I was just again, just was like, wow, like, this person, like, gets it like, no one else, like, understands this anxiety and but Shannon, like, she's, she understands it. And so I was so excited to take that course. And it really did help me not just driving in that moment, but like in other things like in like, when I we went to the big 12 tournament in Kansas City. It was like in March, and I was really anxious about being in a crowd, because I hadn't been in a crowd and so long, but that masterclass, even though it was focused on anxiety, it helps me to just be okay with being anxious, like wherever I went, you know, and so, that was so important to me and helped me and then when I saw you were offering the panic to peace, I was like, okay, like, I know, I have to sign up for this because this one masterclass helped me so much that I just know, I felt like panic to peace would be, you know, even more helpful because it was a an extended period of time, and it would, you know, really hit on what I think I needed.
Yeah. And I know you were honest, like joining you are pretty skeptical. I know that you were like, is this really actually going to help me get back out there and drive and so I'm curious, like, did it actually help it? Was it was it worth it for you?
I think okay, so I will say like at the beginning of panic to peace, when we started in May. I do remember telling my friend I was I was I told her I said, I just am not feeling like I just don't want to drive like why why do I need to do this? Like what why did I do like why did I sign up for this? And then like one day I just remember I got in the car and I Joe Have to the grocery store. And I took away that I haven't taken in a while. And I, I really do think it was just because I wasn't so focused anymore on my anxiety. And I was just so surprised that I went away that I had been avoiding for so long. And I just didn't even think about it. Yeah. And I was so excited by just that one experience. And so then I started to try to push myself to do more because in panic two piece you have this write down like our y. And so my Y was just, I want to be more confident, I want to be more. You know, I want to do things that like I want to do just because I want to do them not. Because someone else is making me do them or because, you know, I have to wait for someone to take me somewhere like I just want to go I want the freedom. And I want to Yeah, just really have more freedom, I guess. And so that really helped push me to be able to be like, Okay, I'm gonna take our car in for an oil change now and I'm gonna drive to the, to the place and I'm going to sit and I'm going to wait.
Oh my gosh, you just like, my brain was instantly like thinking of those moments where I had to bring my car in and that I know why right? But I almost said I don't know why I would get so freakin anxious like going in for an oil change, like you're gonna take even though the car is the place that I would experience so much anxiety. And I was then like, you're gonna take my car away from me, and I'm not gonna be able to go anywhere. And I'm gonna be stuck here and like, Are you kidding me? And just I remember those appointments being so friggin brutal. That so that is amazing that you're like, Alright, I'm just gonna drive myself get an oil change willingly be stuck there. Like what?
Yeah. And I like seriously had it done that and probably like four years. And then in June, I just, I wanted to tuck it in because I needed to be done. And I usually would have been like my husband. In the past, it would have been like, my husband and I go together, we wait for the car, or my dad goes with me. And then I get in the car with my dad and I drive home so I don't have to wait. But this time, I was like, No, I'm okay. Like, I'm safe. That was one of my big things to say to myself, like I am safe. And I don't have to do anything. Like I love when you taught us that in our class, like, just the art of just not doing like I don't have to try to escape. I don't have I literally just have to sit in this chair. Like, I have to do anything.
Yeah. Because it's so you think about it, right? You're for years so used to doing and trying to throw anything at it and trying to get rid of it and avoiding and manipulating you know, the roads and, and all the things it's like so much of what we delve into in panic to pieces, how do we take the focus away from anxiety, because for a long time, we've just been giving it all the attention we've been so fixated on it and how we can make it go away and and all the things and it's like, okay, let's take the focus off of anxiety. Let's put the focus on living. And just shifting that, like you're saying, right allows you to then say, Okay, well, I'm just going to try and go do the things that I have to do. I'm not going to like, force myself to do all these things. But I'm going to start doing the things that I have to do and just see what the heck happens.
I also found myself to I used to like map my routes, even my routes out. I was like, Okay, I'm gonna turn here and then I'm gonna turn here I'm and I was like that. And I finally this summer, like, during paying for peace. I was like, no, like, I'm just gonna go to the store, I'm just gonna go to my sister's like, I am taking this route that everyone else would take. And that's how we're getting there. And because I do think in that actually made me feel more dizzy, maybe because I was so busy trying to figure out, you know, I gotta turn here, I gotta turn left, I gotta go this way. And this way, and this way, instead of just going straight, like just go down the main road. And, and it actually did feel so much better. When I did that. And I I really didn't get the anxiety that I thought I was going to have. And I do think it just because then I You're right. I wasn't doing I was I was or I was just being you know, I was just
right. It's like imagine that when you make space for the anxiety. It's like, Oh, you don't need me. Okay, so cool. Like, we all pop up with all these terrible thoughts and symptoms and all the hard stuff. So, I mean, it's just so cool. Like, I'm so curious, like, I don't think right, you've gotten back on the highway and have driven yourself right. And I think there is I'm so glad that you're being vulnerable and honest about that part because I know how hard that is for you. And I know how hard it is to bring yourself to do that. And there were many things that I held on to for a long time and was like, There's no way I'm doing that, you know, one of my bigger things is like, I'm not getting on a bus or a train or like, No, thank you. And there are things that we hold on to you, right? And, you know, you're gonna get to that point where you're gonna get on the highway, and you're gonna, you're gonna drive again, and but, you know, these small steps you're taking, that you've taken throughout the summer and are still continuing to take, like, those are the things that are actually going to equip you with this confidence, and knowing and belief, like, I can do it, and it's not going to be an absolute shit show.
I think, absolutely. I, like I said, I haven't driven on the highway yet. I know that, like you said, eventually, like, I will get there. And I'll feel more confident. Right now I'm just trying to get to the things I used to do. You know, like, I, I want to go meet my sister at a pool, you know, I want to go meet her at the mall, I want to go to a pumpkin patch with friends. So just being able to do those things, again, for me is like so huge. And I'm gonna give myself Grace about not being on the highway right now. But I know that that's definitely a goal to work towards. Yeah, once I definitely get more comfortable driving, just normal. Yeah, roads, I guess. Yeah.
And it is, it's those small steps where you are able to build that trust back within yourself and to develop that knowing of like, this is something that I can do. And, of course, you know, I'll be so curious and interested to see how that plays out. And of course, I always want to stay in touch with everyone and like, see how this all unfolds. But I know you've done some, some pretty big stuff. And you know, you go on these trips. And you You know, I know, like you had things that you were anxious about on these trips. And it's not just the driving and so I, you know, I don't know, maybe if you can speak to a little bit like the trip that you recently went on, and how that that went for you.
Yeah, yeah. So this summer, we drove to the Tetons and Wyoming, it's our favorite place to go, we try to go there, I don't know, every summer if we can, um, and we'd love to hike and bike and just do all the mountain things there. But this year, we went with my sister and her now husband, they got married last month. And it was just kind of a trip, you know, just a fun trip for us and then to go on together. And, but it was our first it was my first trip with others. And so that in itself was kind of, you know, scary, because you're so used to doing what you want to do. And, you know, especially when my husband and I go a lot, we just are like, Oh, we're just gonna do our thing, we're gonna do this, and this and this. And but now when you have other people with you, it kind of changes the dynamics, it changes, you know, what they want to do might be different than what you want to do. And, and I, I do remember feeling just a little anxious about it, just wondering like, are they going to enjoy it? Is this gonna be you know, fun. And I really did go into it, though, with mindfulness and just really trying to be present. And in the moment, and I know, in panic diffuse, you talk a lot about that, too, just trying to really be present, and just not worrying about what's coming next. What's next, what's next. And so that actually helped me so much on our trip, because I just really, I've never felt more present on a trip than I did this summer. And it felt so good to not have to worry about like, now what next? Now what are we going to do, I just was able to enjoy that time with my sister, and my brother in law and my husband.
It's so cool. It's so cool. And I think to you just those, like nature does something to us. We've we've talked about this right. It's like such Montana's such a special place. And it's really nice when you're you allow yourself to be in those environments where it's it's easier, I think, to be more present and to be mindful. But because you've had practice with it, you're able to actually see it in action and see the benefits from it. And this is sort of what we talk about right in the program is most of the time when you're feeling anxious, you're looking to something you're looking to a tool, a technique a fix. And unfortunately, there was the you can end up feeling like those things really don't work because you're you don't have any practice with them. Your brains like what the hell are you trying to do? And it just interprets it as like, okay, there's something wrong, more danger, more danger. But because you've practiced a lot of this slowing down and being present in the mindfulness stuff, you are able to actually do that and not have it be in the moments of like, oh gosh, I need to throw something at the anxiety. It's like that. It's so rewarding when you can see like, oh, Oh, these things actually do pay off. And it makes sense to be putting your energy into these things.
Right? Absolutely. I do think too, it really helped us well, like just going hiking, like, I would sometimes get anxious about hiking and like going too far away from our car, you know, like, I didn't start to get anxious. But again, like just being present in the moment that really helped. And I, we hiked farther than I've ever hiked before. And, again, like, my sister and her, my brother in law were with us. So it wasn't just my husband and I, but I did push myself to, you know, be okay, being uncomfortable. That was another big thing for me, is just sitting like, I'm uncomfortable, and it is okay. Like, I am safe. It's okay, I'm in the woods.
Yeah, just letting yourself make space for it. And to allow it to be there. It's like, super cool, when you make that shift of, I'm not gonna continue to resist it and fight up against it. And I'm just gonna let it be here and cool. Like, it's just that I think it takes so much pressure off too, and just allows you to actually be more present. That's a really cool part about, you know, acceptance, too. So I'm so curious, like, where are you at right now? Like, what? How do you feel about things? They mean, it's been a few months since the program ended, like how do you feel like things are going,
I think things are going pretty well. Um, like I said, my sister got married last month. And so that was a really big event for me. And just my family, you know, like it was, it was a beautiful wedding, I was so happy for her, I was honored to be her bridesmaid and maid of honor. But there was a lot of, you know, with weddings, there's a lot of hype, and, you know, like, and she'd been, we've been talking about her wedding for over a year now. And so like, it was just, you know, that intense, almost, that anticipatory anxiety was what was I think, getting at me, it was it was just like, we know, it's coming. Okay. It's like may now it's June. Now. It's July now it's August and September, like, here it is. And just, that was a really big event. Like I said, for me, just, you know, just was social anxiety, too, that I have. But I was very, very proud of myself. Because, you know, with anxiety, and especially driving anxiety, that feeling of being trapped, um, like, I had to take an elevator, for example, like, I have avoided elevators for a very long time. And I'm really good at avoiding them. Yeah. And my wife and my sister, we were getting ready for her wedding, like she was on the 18th floor of a hotel. Like, there was no way I was taking the stairs up to the 18th floor. Like, I could have done it, but I didn't. So I really had to, and I knew going into it, I was gonna have to take this elevator. Like, you know, like, I knew she was staying on the 18th floor, I knew I was gonna have to go up there. And what really helps me with that was being vulnerable. And sharing that I was anxious about the elevator. I was so surprised to learn how many of my family members were also really anxious about it. And people that I thought, you know, were so brave and like travel the world and go on airplanes. were anxious about this elevator. And so I think that helped me so much was just to be honest, and just to share, like, how I was feeling
Yeah. Oh, it's so cool to see right in action, like, wow, it is this is not that weird. You know, and many people actually struggle with this stuff. And people struggle with, gosh, being afraid to get in elevators for so many reasons. And people who don't struggle with anxiety disorders and the you know, it's going back to your rate that not giving ourselves any allowance to feel anxiety just because you struggle with an anxiety disorder. And it's like, no, like, you're allowed to feel anxious, and there are a lot of situations in which anxiety is going to pop up and it's okay. And it makes sense. And, and I'm so glad that you got vulnerable and shared that because there are so many people, right, who are gonna be like, yep, me too. And people that you look at, like you said, people who you would think are so adventurous. So carefree. And I have many friends like this, and we sit down and have conversations and they're like, oh, this, this makes me feel really anxious, or this makes me and I'm like, what? That? Or they'll say, right, I might do these big things and these really awesome adventurous things. And people think that I don't get scared or anxious about it. Like that's crazy. Of course I do. You know, some of my friends who ski some insane stuff, and they're like, of course I get scared shed and then I'm like, oh, yeah, we just sort of think there are humans walking out there doing all this crazy stuff and not feeling anxious or scared. It's like no, they're feeling the discomfort. And they're in there taking that with them. So that's really cool to see that. And, yeah, I think it's almost easier, right? If you don't know, there is no elevator like you can think about it ahead of time and you're just like in this situation, maybe have to get on it. But that's so cool that you did that. And you were able to share that and be open with people.
And I really don't know, I probably would have walked up a teamfight stairs had an infra panic, like panic to peace, because I honestly really, like I said, I was, I was, I felt okay being vulnerable. I mean, I know, they're my extended like relatives and things like, of course, you're more maybe more comfortable with them than you are with strangers. But also like that whole weekend on my sister's wedding, like I just had to remind myself like to be present and be in the moment and to not, like you said, like, I didn't really have to do anything. Like I was just there to enjoy it. I'm just trying to constantly remind myself to be present and enjoy it.
Yeah. And we need those conscious reminders. Like that's mindfulness, right is about you gotta bring the attention focus to the present like you in and I don't know why we tend to think like, this is some magical thing that just happens. It's like, no, it takes intentionality. And, and a lot of, you know, being holding yourself accountable to like, be there and be present. And so yeah, there's, gosh, we've, this is so good. Like, I love this conversation. And I don't want it to end. But, you know, I just want to say if anyone is like, Yeah, I haven't done that thing yet. Like, I haven't gotten back on the highway, or I haven't gotten on a plane yet, or I haven't gotten to that big story yet. It's okay. Like it is okay. And it does not take away from the healing that you're experiencing now. And the progress that you're making, and all the small steps, the things that you're continuing to do day in and day out. Those are the things that are really building that trust, and that confidence in that belief, and it'll all come together, and you don't have to force it. And it's not, you know, because if I said, Emily go out today, and I want you to get back on the highway, like you got to do this. I mean, gosh, dang, it's probably going to be miserable look like a shit show. And you're going to probably feel like now great, I don't even want to drive with my husband on the highway. So, you know, it's not this forcing, we need to do it. Now we need to, it will happen and I have full confidence that it will happen. So don't beat yourself up. If you're in that spot of like, I just haven't done it yet. You will. And you'll get there. And it's I just can't wait to hear about it when you do. So. Emily, if somebody is like, gosh, this has been so inspiring. Like, I want to go on trips, I want to, I want to do these things. But they're in that space where you are in where for years you were avoiding and trying to manipulate things like what would you say to that person who's really struggling right now?
I think I would say it is scary. Like it is scary. And it's hard. And it's you know, it sucks when you do have people who say like, it's not a big deal. Like just do it or you've done it before, why can't you do it now. But I would just encourage them to, I don't know, just do what you need to do, you know, just do what you need to do. And, like eventually, I think they will get to that point where they just go a little bit further. Like it really is baby steps like it really is just slowly going further and further. You know and, um, and I do think like Bill once you take one step you'll get so much confidence from like that one little step that it will help propel you forward I think so. I know that's how I felt after my sister's wedding like after all the you know, like just you know, I felt so much more confidence in myself that I even told my husband I was like let's just book a plane ride like right now like let's go to KCI and get on a plane before I changed my mind because like I'm feeling good right now. Let's do that. We didn't do that but I just had so much like more confidence like after each of these like experiences and I know that if there is someone out there struggling if just like I said little baby steps and like you'll gain the confidence and just keep going and give yourself grace to because if you don't like it's okay to like you don't get on an elevator you don't get in the car like it's okay do not beat yourself up because that makes that will make it so much worse.
Oh so good, Emily so much good wisdom and I just appreciate you being vulnerable. I know that this. This is hard stuff to do. And I'm just so appreciative of you and I'm just so proud of you and just can't wait to see all the things you continue to do. So thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you for all that you do. Not just for just this kind of therapy I think a lot of people need
Yeah. I love it. I love it. I hope you enjoyed this episode of a healthy push. If you want more, head on over to a healthy push.com for the show notes, and lots more tips, tools and inspiration that will support your recovery. And if you're hoping for me to cover a certain topic, be sure to join my Instagram community at Aldi push and let me know in the comments what you want to hear next.
