These 5 Things DON'T Mean You Aren't Healing From Anxiety

5 Things DON'T Mean You Aren't Healing From Anxiety

When you're working to heal from anxiety, it can be really tricky to know whether you're healing or not! One day you might feel great, and the next you might be struggling with the simplest of tasks. And oftentimes we're looking for all the signs to determine whether we're healing or not. But unfortunately, it can be pretty easy to mistake these signs and determine that we aren't actually healing.

So I want to talk about the 5 things that shouldn't be indicators of our anxiety healing. And spoiler alert... you're probably doing a much better job than you think you are!

1. You're experiencing lots of anxiety or even panic

For some reason, we think healing means we won't experience lots of anxiety or panic, or at least we'll experience less of it. BUT! When you’re working to heal from anxiety, you’re often going to experience lots more of it because rather than continuing to avoid feeling anxious, suppress it, fight it, etc., you’re actually allowing yourself to face it, to feel it, to make space for it. 

Healing isn't measured by the level of anxiety you feel, but rather by how much you let anxiety control your actions. Think of how many months, or years, or decades anxiety has shown up for you and think of how many times you probably haven’t had the healthiest response to it. It's going to take repetition, consistency, time, self-compassion, and lots of healthy steps for it to stop showing up unnecessarily.

 And you might be thinking… Shannon, I do this! I take anxiety with me, I practice acceptance, but anxiety is still popping up. And this is because there is so much more to the healing journey than just having a healthy response to anxiety. If you want to learn more about acceptance, check out Episode #87 of the podcast. In this episode, I share all my thoughts on acceptance and why you might be feeling like it’s not doing what it’s supposed to do.

2. You're taking medication, or contemplating taking it

I often hear people worry that taking medication feels like cheating or avoiding real healing. This is a huge topic and there is no one size fits all approach. Medication is just another tool that can support you on your recovery journey, just like all of the other tools. But! This can't be the only tool you use to overcome and heal.

What I’m saying is, we have to heal internally. And medication can help you to do this work. For lots of people, medication helps to turn the dial down a bit - on the anxious thoughts, the sensations and symptoms, so that they can really dig in and do the tough work. But that’s just it, right? You still have to do the work.

So, if you’re currently taking medication or contemplating taking medication, I want you to know that you’re still healing while on medication. Your brain can still do the work to rewire and create new and healthy pathways while you’re on medication. It’s not cheating the system or a cop-out. It actually takes a lot of strength to try medication and take the support you need. And if medication isn't for you, that's ok. You can still heal without medication.

3. You aren't always responding in the healthiest way

You have to let yourself be human while you’re working to heal! The reality is, you aren’t always going to make the healthiest decisions, especially when you’re feeling really anxious or experiencing panic, and it’s okay. Lots of grace and lots of letting yourself be human goes a long way.

One of the areas I see lots of people get stuck in is trying to heal perfectly. They think… "If I do everything “right" or "If I do x-y-z, I’ll heal and anxiety will be gone." This creates so much pressure and even more anxiety. You can’t heal perfectly, so don’t put this pressure on yourself to try to. Ditch the "shoulds," less analyzing, stop beating yourself up over less-than-perfect choices, and watch how much less stuck and anxious you'll feel!

4. You're still feeling scared when you experience anxiety or a panic attack

So, here’s a big and important thing to acknowledge! Not feeling scared when you experience anxiety or a panic attack shouldn’t be your goal. When we feel anxious, and especially when we experience panic, we have adrenaline and cortisol pumping through us, and your body is literally priming you to face fear… so, it probably makes a heck of a lot of sense that you're going to feel scared, right?

It's alright if you still feel scared or anxious even after some time. You don't need to force yourself not to feel scared. Instead of trying to make those feelings disappear, try slowing down and giving yourself space to feel them. Avoid the urge to do everything to calm yourself down, as it often leads to feeling even more anxious and scared.

5. You're comparing yourself to someone else's journey

You might look at others and think… "How can they do that? I can’t do that." or "Oh gosh, I’m definitely not as far along as they are." And this my friend, is one of the most unhelpful things you can do - comparing.

It’s helpful to recognize that we’re all on our own individual journeys. We’ve all had different experiences, circumstances, and time spent struggling. And we don’t know what that other person's experiences, circumstances, or journey has looked like. You might look at someone else and see that they’re able to get on a plane and travel, but what you don’t see is that that same person isn’t able to drive alone two miles down the street from where they live. Remember, we never see the full picture of someone’s journey.

You’re healing even if you’re experiencing lots of anxiety and panic. You are healing even if you’re taking medication (or contemplating taking it). You are healing even if you fall back into old patterns and behaviors sometimes. You are healing even if you feel scared when you experience anxiety or panic. You are healing even if they are things you can’t do YET.

Remember to listen to the full episode for all the helpful tips!

Keep taking healthy action, friend. The small steps are helping you to heal even when it doesn’t feel like they’re doing a dang thing. And maybe you’re actually a lot closer to ‘recovery’ than you think you are!

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TRANSCRIPT

Shannon Jackson  00:00

So tell me, do your thoughts sound a little something like this? What if I have a panic attack? What if I pass out? What if this isn't just anxiety? What if I lose all control? What if I can't get home quickly enough? What if I go crazy? My brain used to throw all of these whatever thoughts my way and then some on a daily basis. But nowadays, I live my life without the what ifs worries and fears. And I know you may be thinking, yeah, right, Shannon, but this type of freedom is possible. And I want to show you how to get there without it being so hard or complicated, because it truly isn't. So if you're like, yes, please show me how I want you to join me for my live 90 minute masterclass on March 27, where I'll be teaching you how to respond very simply and practically to your thoughts and feelings, so that they stop showing up in causing so much chaos. And no, I will be teaching you how to journal your thoughts or how to challenge them, or how to meditate or breathe your way through them. Instead, I'll be teaching you very simple and practical approaches to your thoughts and feelings, so that you can finally find freedom from them. So if you're ready to quiet your mind and get freedom from your anxious thoughts, and the really uncomfortable feelings, and experience lots more peace, simply head to the link in the show notes. Sign up, and I'll see you on March 27. And if you can't make it live, you'll still want to sign up so that you get access to the recording. And I promise the recording will be just as helpful as the live.

Welcome to a healthy push Podcast. I'm Shannon Jackson, former anxiety sufferer turned adventure mom and anxiety recovery coach. I struggled with anxiety, panic disorder and agoraphobia for 15 years. And now I help people to push past the stuff that I used to struggle with. Each week, I'll be sharing real and honest conversations along with actionable and practical steps that you can take to help you push past your anxious thoughts, the symptoms panic and fears. Welcome. You're right where you're meant to be.

Okay, let's talk about five things that don't mean that you aren't healing from anxiety. So we know working to heal from anxiety, panic, and Agoraphobia is tough, like it's so freakin tough. But sometimes, or maybe oftentimes, you might be making things way harder than they actually need to be. Maybe you find yourself constantly analyzing how you're doing. And somehow you always convince yourself that you're behind or going backward, or you're not actually healing at all. Or maybe you're often beating yourself up for experiencing anxiety or panic, or you're beating yourself up for avoiding or falling back into old unhealthy behaviors. Or maybe you're just like, I have no idea like, am I even healing, it doesn't quite feel like it. So if any of this resonates with you or all of it, I want to share some really helpful things with you. So let's dive into the five things.

So the first reason you might feel like you aren't healing is because you're experiencing lots of anxiety or even panic. So for some reason, we think healing means I don't experience lots of anxiety or panic, or at least I'm experiencing less of it. But when you're working to heal from anxiety, you're often going to experience lots more of it. Because rather than continuing to avoid feeling anxious and suppress it and fight it, like what maybe you've been doing for months or years, you're actually starting to allow yourself to face it, and to feel it and you're making space for it. So it makes sense that you're going to feel more anxiety and even panic. And I always tell my students and my clients this, you cannot gauge your healing by how much anxiety you are or aren't experiencing. However, you can gauge your healing by how much you're allowing anxiety to dictate what you do and don't do. Meaning I don't care. If you go out and you do the thing and you experience lots of anxiety. You experiencing lots of anxiety is probably expected and make sense. But what I care about is that you didn't avoid doing the thing. You didn't let anxiety choose you when you took anxiety with you and you practice having a healthy response to anxiety when it showed up. So I just want to say it again. Don't gauge your healing by how much anxiety you are or aren't experiencing. Instead, gauge your healing by how much you're allowing yourself to go and do and make space for anxiety. And the truth is right over time and with consistency. Anxiety is going to show up less and less. But it takes you repeatedly having a healthy response to anxiety and also supporting yourself on a daily basis for it to stop up showing up so much. Because like I said, right, think of how many months or years or even decades, anxiety has shown up for you. And think of how many times you probably haven't had the healthiest response to it. So it's gonna take repetition and consistency and time and self compassion, and lots and lots of healthiest habits for it to stop showing up unnecessarily. And you may be thinking, Shannon, but I do this, like, I take anxiety with me, I, I've been practicing acceptance, but anxiety is still popping up. And this is because there's so much to the healing journey than just having a healthy response to anxiety. I know that I talk about this a lot, and the importance of having a healthy response to anxiety, but it's not all of it. And also, there is so much to acceptance. So if you want to learn more about acceptance, I talk a lot about this and really dive deeper in Episode 87 of the podcast. And I really share all of my honest thoughts on acceptance, and why you might be feeling like it's not doing what it's supposed to do. So definitely check that out if you're feeling that nudge, too. So the last thing I want to say here on this first one is sometimes you might feel like you're getting or have gotten to a really good place in your recovery, like a place where you're experiencing less anxiety and less panic, even in places and situations. You want us to experience a ton of it. But sometimes, and it might feel like all of a sudden, you're hit with lots of anxiety or panic. And it might feel like it's really out of the blue. And your reaction can tend to be Oh, no, it's coming back. I'm going backwards. And here's what I say to this. It is not Oh, no, it's coming back. And it's not you're going backwards. It's just, I'm feeling and it's okay, that I'm feeling. And you'll always have these moments because we're human, and we're going through life. And we have life experiences that occurred and we have stressors. So when this happens, really do your best not to go into oh shit mode, are trying to figure out what to do or analyze what you're feeling. Just do your best to let yourself feel while resisting doing anything with the feelings and with without creating a story about your feelings. So yeah, I want to assure you, you might be experiencing more anxiety or panic. And it probably makes sense and is very normal.

Okay, let's move on to number two, you might be convincing yourself that you aren't healing if you're taking medication, or if you're contemplating taking medication. And this is something that I hear often. And it's that people are worried that if they're taking medication, it's sort of like cheating the system, or it's a cop out, and it means that they aren't actually healing. And I have so many dang thoughts on this. But I want to start by sharing some helpful thoughts like just general thoughts on medication. So medication is just another tool that can support you on your recovery journey, just like all of the other tools. But, and this is a big, but it can't be the only tool you use. If you're taking medication, and you aren't working to create a healthy relationship with anxiety and a healthy relationship with yourself, then it's gonna cause some issues down the road. If and when you decide to taper off the medication. You know, it's like taking diet medication or a drug like sure, it might help you to lose some weight, but it's not actually going to help you to become healthier from the inside out. And it's not going to help you to continue to keep the weight off when you come off of the medication or drug. So what I'm really trying to say right is we have to heal internally. And medication can help you to do this work. But it can't be I just take medication, and then it really helps me to feel better. And so then I don't do any of the other work. I don't take any of the healthiest steps. You know, for lots of people, medication helps to turn down the dial a bit like on the anxious thoughts, the sensations, the symptoms, so that they can really dig in and do the tough work. But that's just it right? You have to do the work. Medication is not a magical fix. Just like all the other tools. You can't just land on one tool and say, Oh, great. This is really helping me I feel so much better. And then you don't take any of the other steps. So if you're currently taking medication or you're contemplating taking medication, I want you to know that you're still healing while on medication. Your brain can still do the work to rewire and create new and healthy pathways while you're on medication. And it's not cheating the system or a cop out. It actually takes a lot of freaking strength to try medication and to take and just allow yourself to get the support you need. And of course I have to throw this in here. If you're not wanting to take medication or if medication hasn't worked for you Oh, it's okay, you can absolutely still heal without medication. And there are lots of other really helpful tools that will help you to heal. You know, I am very honest in the fact that I tried medication at a couple of different points in my recovery journey, but it was not helpful for me. But I still healed without it. So if you're interested in hearing more about my journey with medication, and just my thoughts on medication, I want you to listen to episode number six of the podcast. And I also recently did another really helpful episode with Annie, where she shares her journey and trying medication again, after it not being helpful the first time. And when she tried it the second time, it's actually been incredibly helpful for her. And that episode is number 102. If you want to take a listen.

Okay, let's move on to number three, you might convince yourself that you aren't healing, because you aren't always responding in the healthiest way. Meaning when you feel anxious, or you experienced panic, you're sometimes reverting to old patterns or behaviors. And you probably already know what I'm going to say to this, you have to let yourself be human while you're working to heal. The reality is, you are not always going to make the healthiest decisions, especially when you're feeling really anxious, or especially when you're experiencing panic. And it's okay. Sometimes you might seek reassurance, or reach for a safety object, or you might pull the car over or even avoid, you know, in these moments, it's just simply helpful when you notice that you didn't make the healthiest decision. And you give yourself lots of grace and lots of self compassion. And you move the hack on, like, you don't need to analyze or beat yourself up. You just give yourself lots of grace, and lots of letting yourself be human like this goes such a long way. And you know, I have to say this because this is one of the areas that I see lots of people getting stuck in when they're trying to recover, and it's trying to heal perfectly. Like people think if I do everything, quote, right, if I do XYZ, like I'll heal and anxiety will be gone. But this mentality, this approach only creates so much pressure and even more anxiety, like you cannot heal perfectly. Nobody heals perfectly, I did not heal perfectly. So don't put this pressure on yourself to try to like nobody needs to heal perfectly. And like I said, I didn't you know, when I was recovering, there were many, many times that I reverted to old patterns and behaviors. And sometimes I even avoided like sometimes I literally said, heck no, I am not doing that. And I tossed the shoulds out the window, and I didn't go along with the sheds, it wasn't like shining, you should do this, or you have to do this because otherwise you're not going to recover. You know, I always fell into that trap of telling myself, I had to I didn't have a choice like I wouldn't recover unless I did XYZ. It's just so far from the truth. Like you can avoid some times and still heal. You don't have to do all the things all the time. So less going along with the shoulds less analyzing less creating a story about the moments in which you don't make the healthiest decision, and less making yourself feel bad. Like this is the stuff that will help you to feel less stuck and a heck of a lot less anxious. And just in general terrible about yourself and your journey.

Alright, number four, you might convince yourself that you aren't healing because you're still feeling scared when you experience anxiety or a panic attack. So here's a big an important thing to acknowledge. Not feeling scared when you experience anxiety or a panic attack should not be your goal. Like it doesn't even make sense to me why some people say that when you're working to recover, you should somehow feel less scared by anxiety and panic. Like, what? When we feel anxious, and especially when we experience panic, we have adrenaline and cortisol pumping through us and your body is literally priming you to face fear. So it probably makes a heck of a lot of sense that you're going to feel scared, right? Like I used to get stuck in this trap. I used to say like Shannon, why the heck are you so scared? Like, this is ridiculous. It's just anxiety. It's just panic, like, you know what this is? But you cannot talk logic into anxiety. And I just I wish I would have let myself feel scared, like experiencing anxiety, the symptoms panic, like all of it can be and feel really scary. And it's okay to feel scared. And of course Yeah, over time, you might become less scared or even less bothered by the feelings. But if you still get pretty scared when you feel anxious or experienced panic, I say it's fine. It's okay. It's like you're not doing anything wrong. You know, you're, you're still on the right path, you don't have to try to make yourself not feel scared. I know the feelings can be really scary and really uncomfortable. And I don't know that I ever got to a point where I didn't feel scared by them. Like, truly, maybe I did it. And I'm sure like the feelings weren't as high end, as they always were when I really started to recover. But I really don't think I ever got to this place. Like where I didn't feel scared by the feelings. However, I did get to a point where when I felt the anxiety and the sensations and symptoms and, and the panic, I did my best to slow down. And I'd do my best to make space for the feelings rather than trying to make them go away. And I would do my best to resist doing all the things to try to make myself calm down. Because I learned and I'm sure you've learned this, when you try to do more and more, to calm yourself to make the anxiety go away, you tend to feel even more anxious and even more scared. So I know I've told this story a few times, but I'm going to tell it, tell it again here because it just makes sense to you. I've had one panic attack and the seven years that I've been recovered. And I can tell you, I felt scared during it. Like even with everything I know all of my knowledge, all of my years of experience anxiety and panic, all of the healthy actions like the things that I know, in my brain, I still felt scared. And you know what, me feeling scared was just that, me feeling scared. I felt scared and the panic attack passed, and I was okay. I just want you to really acknowledge that feeling scared when you feel anxious and panicky. Makes sense. There are physiological things happening in your body. And it makes sense that you feel scared. So try not to be so critical of yourself when you when you find I'm still feeling really scared of the feelings. And if you want to hear lots more helpful insights, tips and truths about panic attacks, I really went into depth on panic attacks and episode 61 of the podcast. In it, I share five truths about panic attacks, and it's one one of my most listened to episodes, it's just really, really helpful.

Okay, let's move on to the last one. Number five, you might convince yourself that you aren't healing, because you're comparing yourself to somebody else's journey, and convincing yourself that they're much further along than you are. I did this all the stinking time. You know, you might look at others and think, how can they do that? Like, I can't do that, oh, gosh, I'm definitely not as far along as they are. And this is one of the most unhelpful things you can do. Comparing, it's so helpful to recognize that we're all on our own individual journeys. We've all had different experiences, different circumstances. And we've all had our time, you know, spent struggling and sometimes it's very different from one person to the next. And we don't know what other another person's struggles have looked like, we don't know what their experiences have looked like their circumstances, you know, we can't fill in all those blanks. So you might look at someone else and see that they're able to get on a plane and travel and it might look like they're quite functional and well on their way and that they're doing amazing. But what you won't see is that that same person might have a really hard time getting into a car and just driving two miles down the street from where they live. So just keep in mind, we never see the full picture of someone else's journey. And you know what, quite honestly, sometimes we're comparing ourselves to other people and other people's journeys. And we're like, dang, I can't do that. But the thing that we're we're looking at them for and feeling like this envy for is something that we don't even have interest in doing. Like, we just get so caught up in comparing. And we lose sight of what's even important to us. Like, we might not even want to do that thing or have any care in the world to do that thing. Or it might not even be important to us. So it's just always important to slow down and catch yourself when you're comparing and say, Does this feel helpful? You know, I really want to encourage you to let yourself be where you are, without convincing yourself that you're behind or even ahead. Like just let yourself be right here right now in the present moment with wherever you are. And maybe you know, you can't drive alone yet, but you'll get there. Or maybe you can't pick your kids up from school yet. But you'll get there. And maybe you can't get on the plane yet. But you'll get there if you want to and if that's something that's important to you, you know yet is such a powerful word. And another thing that's really helpful is to actually acknowledge and honor the steps that you're taking and the progress that you're making. I think we lose sight that we're actually making progress that We've come so far that our lives look so differently than they did weeks or months or even a year ago. You know, each week in my panic Peace program, I have my students share and celebrate their wins. Without comparing, you know, I have them acknowledge the progress that they're making, I have them really celebrate themselves and their healing. And it makes such a big difference. It leads to them building more confidence and more trust in themselves and more courage and motivation. And it just helps them to help other people in the group. And they all just like get motivation, inspiration off of it. So I want to encourage you now, instead of comparing your journey to someone else's journey, how can you instead acknowledge and honor the progress that you've made, and the progress you are making in all of the work that you've done? Because that is really powerful stuff. So let's recap real quick, your healing, even if you're experiencing lots of anxiety and panic, here's something I often tell my students and clients is, it's often a good thing when you're experiencing more anxiety and panic to me, it shows me you're actually making space for it, you're actually allowing it in, you're actually letting yourself go to places that you haven't gone before. Okay, you are healing, even when you're taking medication or contemplating taking it. You are healing, even if sometimes you fall back into old patterns and behaviors. You are healing even if you feel scared when you experience anxiety or panic, you are healing, even if there are things that you can't do yet, and you know what I'm gonna say next, keep taking healthy action. The small steps are helping you to heal, even when it doesn't feel like they're doing a dang thing. And maybe you're actually a lot closer to recovery than you think you are. I hope you enjoyed this episode of a healthy push. If you want more, head on over to a healthy push.com for the show notes and lots more tips, tools and inspiration that will support your recovery. And if you're hoping for me to cover a certain topic, be sure to join my Instagram community at A Healthy push and let me know in the comments what you want to hear next.