What Nervous System Regulation Actually Means (And What Everyone Gets Wrong) with Sarah Levy

If you've spent any time on wellness social media lately, you've heard it. Regulate your nervous system. Do the work. Find your tools. And if you're still anxious, still overwhelmed, still stuck — you must be doing it wrong.

I sat down with somatic therapist and nervous system regulation coach Sarah Levy to untangle all of it. What regulation actually means, why so many people feel like they're failing at this work, and what reconnecting with your body can actually look like in a practical, realistic way.

First, What Is Nervous System Regulation, Really?

Here's the thing that most people get wrong right out of the gate: regulation does not mean calm.

Your autonomic nervous system is constantly scanning your environment and sending signals to your brain about safety and danger. Based on those signals, your body moves into different states — fight or flight, freeze or shutdown, or a more settled, connected state. This is happening all the time, whether you're thinking about it or not.

Regulation isn't about living in that settled state permanently. It's about flexibility — the ability to move between these states as life requires. You need your fight or flight response. You need your shutdown response sometimes too. The goal is that your nervous system doesn't get stuck on or off.

As Sarah put it, the point was never to reach some perfect, regulated mountaintop where you finally feel calm all the time. That's not how the nervous system works, and chasing that version of it just creates more pressure, more perfectionism, and — you guessed it — more anxiety.

Why You Might Feel Like Nothing Is Working

If you've tried breathing exercises, grounding techniques, cold water, or any number of tools you found online and thought ‘this isn't working for me’ there's a really good reason for that.

Your nervous system is completely individual. What works for one person can be genuinely activating or even triggering for another. Breathing exercises are a great example. For some people they're deeply settling. For others, being asked to focus on their breath sends them straight into panic. Neither response is wrong. It just means you haven't found your language yet.

The other big piece? Trying to regulate when you're already at a ten is asking your nervous system to do something completely antithetical to what it's designed to do in that moment. When you're in your most activated state, your nervous system is working as hard as it possibly can just to get you through. Piling more tools on top of that is only going to add to the chaos.

Sarah's approach — and one I completely align with — is to start small. Practice in the quiet moments, not the crisis ones. Like training for a marathon, you don't start by running 26 miles. You build up slowly, and over time your nervous system builds the flexibility to handle more.

The Concept of Glimmers

One of my favorite things Sarah shared was the idea of glimmers: small, often neutral moments that offer just a little bit of settling or connection. Not the opposite of a trigger exactly, but a tiny signal to your body that something is okay right now.

It could be the first sip of hot coffee. The feeling of a solid desk under your hands. A sound you find comforting. You don't have to meditate on it or analyze it. You just notice it for a moment and move on. That's it. That is nervous system work.

This is the titration piece of somatic work, doing just a little bit at a time, in moments that aren't already overwhelming, so that over time your nervous system builds new pathways and new capacity.

Why You Might Feel Disconnected From Your Body — And Why That Makes Sense

So many people who struggle with anxiety also feel deeply disconnected from their bodies. And there are so many valid reasons for that.

Maybe you had experiences that made being in your body feel unsafe. Maybe you were taught that your needs and feelings were wrong or too much. Maybe you've spent years in survival mode, keeping your attention outward, focused on everyone else's needs. Disconnection isn't a character flaw — it's a coping strategy. It's how you survived.

The functional freeze state Sarah described really stuck with me. It's that low-level disconnection where you're still showing up, still functioning, maybe even succeeding by everyone else's standards — but underneath there's a real distance from what you actually want, need, and feel. A lot of parents and high achievers live here without even realizing it.

What Reconnecting Actually Looks Like

Here's where it gets beautifully simple. Reconnecting with your body doesn't require expensive treatments, elaborate rituals, or a perfect morning routine. Sarah's starting point is this: your most basic needs.

Do you need to use the bathroom? Drink some water? Eat something today — actually eat something, not just finish what your kid left behind? Starting to notice when your body needs something and then actually meeting that need is one of the most foundational forms of body reconnection there is.

From there, it's about starting to name what you're feeling. Not fixing it, not analyzing it, just noticing. There's some activation in my stomach. I feel frustrated right now. That naming — that witnessing of yourself — is where the reconnection begins.

And Sarah's personal favorite? Co-regulation. Being with people who help you feel grounded and connected. Noticing how you feel in those moments. Some of the clearest moments of body connection I have are when I'm fully present with my daughter — not doing anything special, just there.

For the People Who Are Scared of Body Sensations

If you're someone who finds body-focused practices activating — if even the idea of scanning your body sends you into a spiral — Sarah's advice is simple: don't start there.

Start by looking outward. Let your eyes move around the room and notice where they naturally want to rest. Can you hear anything? Can you feel the ground under your feet or the chair beneath you? That's it. That's orienting. You're not being asked to change anything about how your body feels. You're just giving your nervous system something neutral or settling to scan for instead of something scary.

Over time, with practice, that counter-signal gets stronger. The body starts to learn it has somewhere else to go.

The Bottom Line on Nervous System Work

It's slower than Instagram makes it look. It's less shiny. It costs less money. And it works.

You're not doing it wrong because you still feel anxious sometimes. You're not failing because the breathing exercise didn't help on Tuesday. Nervous system care is built in the small, quiet, unglamorous moments — a glass of water, a minute of sitting by a window, a conversation with someone who makes you feel safe.

And if you had a panic attack this week and you came out the other side and had even one moment of — wow, that was really hard, and I got through it — that is, as Sarah said, nervous system work. That is you building flexibility. That counts.

Want more from Sarah? Find her podcast You Good? and sign up for her weekly newsletter, The Weekly Exhale, for a somatic practice delivered to your inbox every week.

find sarah:

@theembodiedsarah

podcast: You good?

Newsletter: The Weekly Exhale

ready to stop doing it alone?

Inside my 10-week program, Panic to Peace, I’ll guide you through this work step by step and you’ll be surrounded by people who truly get it.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible and it’s closer than you think.

Come hang out with me on Instagram → I'd love to connect with you!