The biggest reasons i struggled with anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia for 15 years

fifteen years.

That’s how long I struggled with anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. And looking back now, the reasons I stayed stuck for so long are so clear. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why is this taking me so long?” or “Why am I still struggling? I’ve been there. When I look back now, I can clearly see patterns that kept me stuck, and I want to share them with you. Because healing doesn’t have to take that long or feel so impossibly hard.

The biggest reasons I struggled with anxiety for so long and what I wish I knew earlier:

1. always look for causes and fixes

For years, I was obsessed with finding the “why” behind my anxiety. I wanted a cause, a diagnosis, something I could fix. In my mind, it couldn’t just be anxiety. I would have been relieved if someone told me it was a serious condition, because at least then I’d have something concrete to point to. But here’s the problem: constantly searching for answers kept my system in overdrive. My mind was always spinning, analyzing, and on alert and that only made things worse.

One of my biggest breakthroughs came when I started practicing acceptance. Letting myself feel what I was feeling, without judgment or trying to fix it immediately, changed everything.

2. problem-solving, analyzing, and intellectualizing

This one is so tied to the first. I thought if I could just figure it all out in my head, I’d be okay. I created escape plans, controlled situations, and analyzed every little detail of my thoughts and feelings. I went to therapy, read every book, and had aha moments, but I didn’t do much with them. I thought insight would equal healing. Spoiler: it doesn’t.

Healing comes when you actually feel and process what’s happening, not just think about it.

3. white-knuckling

This one is huge. White-knuckling is when you force yourself through situations like work, errands, and exposures, without actually allowing yourself to feel. I braced myself, rushed, pushed feelings away, and ran from them. Sure, I did the “things,” but I was torturing myself. And you don’t heal by torture. You can go to the grocery store a hundred times, but if you’re not letting yourself feel and work through the discomfort, you’re just checking a box, not healing.

4. unprocessed trauma

Another big piece of my struggle was unprocessed trauma. I carried so much from childhood and teenage years that I never faced. To cope, I turned to drinking, smoking, restricting food, and unhealthy relationships.

And here’s what I want you to hear: that was survival. If you relate to this, please don’t beat yourself up. You did what you needed to do to get through. But trauma doesn’t just disappear, it stays in the body. Until I faced it safely and intentionally, it fueled my anxiety in ways I didn’t realize. Healing meant gently unpacking what I had been carrying for years.

5. putting on a face and trying to do it alone

Every day, I put on a face. I didn’t want anyone to know how much I was struggling. Even with a supportive family and therapy, I wore a mask because admitting how bad it was, even to myself, was terrifying. Perfectionism and high-achieving energy played a role, but at its core, I didn’t want to admit I wasn’t okay. And I didn’t have people around me who truly got it.

Isolation is heavy. And carrying that weight alone kept me stuck for years. This is why community is such a powerful part of recovery because, you don’t have to do this alone.

6. not supporting myself

And finally… I wasn’t taking care of myself. Not even in basic ways. I ignored my needs, beat myself up, and constantly pushed through. Sometimes the missing piece wasn’t complicated, it was drinking more water, eating real meals, moving my body, or speaking to myself with kindness instead of criticism. Looking back, it’s clear: years of ignoring myself, forcing myself, hiding, and never being gentle kept me stuck in the cycle.

closing thoughts: there is hope

Here’s the good news: recovery is absolutely possible. You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through. You don’t have to carry trauma alone. You don’t have to hide behind a mask.

If any of what I shared resonates with you, please know: you are not broken. You don’t have to struggle for 15 years the way I did. Healing isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing up, feeling, and supporting yourself along the way.

Start small. Notice one pattern that keeps you stuck and ask yourself: “How can I be a little gentler here? How can I feel this instead of fighting it?” Those little steps are where freedom begins.

ready to stop doing it alone?

Inside my 10-week program, Panic to Peace, I’ll guide you through this work step by step and you’ll be surrounded by people who truly get it.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible and it’s closer than you think.

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