Recovered & Rambling: I'm Back (Sort Of): My Birth Story & Postpartum Update

How is he a month old already?

I genuinely don't know. Some days have felt so slow, and somehow I'm still sitting here like, how did an entire month just disappear? It's been over a month since I sat down at the mic, and even longer since I sat down with Brittany, and I finally feel ready to share what's actually been going on with my labor and delivery with Colin, a scary moment that happened during delivery, and what this first month of postpartum has really looked like, no filter.

Going From One to Two

Before I get into the birth story, I have to say this first, because it surprised me: going from one kid to two has been so much easier than going from zero to one. Mind-blowingly easier.

I remember with Amelia, in those early days, genuinely thinking, how do I abort mission? How do we undo this? Everything was new, and it was so scary and so overwhelming. This time has been so different. There's less fear. There's less anxiety. I know what this is, and I accept it. I trust my intuition more. It's still hard — having a newborn is hard, period — but it's a different kind of hard.

My Labor and Delivery

I was so ready to have this baby. The last four weeks of pregnancy, I was basically begging him to come. He ended up arriving four days past my due date, and honestly, I think the only reason he came when he did is because I finally let my doctor check me at an appointment. I hadn't let anyone check me the whole pregnancy. That same day, things started happening.

I labored unmedicated, which I also did with Amelia, and there was a stretch around one or two in the morning where I was seriously questioning every decision I'd ever made. But I had an incredible nurse who reminded me, Shannon, so much of this is mental. You've done this before. That pep talk got me through it.

By around 4am, it was time to push. And then, right as his head came out, my doctor said the words "shoulder dystocia." Having worked in OBGYN before, I knew exactly what that meant — his shoulder was stuck. I watched my nurse literally climb up onto the table to help maneuver him out, and I remember thinking, is he going to be okay, am I going to be okay. It was maybe the most terrifying few moments of my life. And then he was here, and everything was fine. Thank God.

What Postpartum Has Actually Looked Like

I forget how hard labor is, and I forget just as fast how disorienting that first week home with a newborn is. A month in, here's the real, unglamorous rundown:

Breastfeeding. I'm an oversupplier again, which comes with its own chaos, and I got mastitis around week two and a half. Of course. It was awful!

Sleep. There is no version of "sleep when the baby sleeps" that actually works. My days have been starting at 4:30am some mornings, and I've had to make peace with that.

Amelia. Balancing a newborn with an almost-8-year-old has been one of the harder parts of this whole thing. She's been so incredibly helpful, but she's also had so many big feelings about sharing me, and honestly, I don't think this is something you can perfectly balance. You just do your best and you feel guilty sometimes, and that's allowed.

Boredom. Nobody warns you about this part. These early weeks come with so many quiet, in-between hours, and I've watched more TV in the last month than I have in years.

My relationship. A new baby rocks every part of your world, even a solid relationship. Patrick and I are doing good, but early postpartum tests you in ways you don't expect.

If I'm honest, on a scale of zero to ten, I'd say I'm at about a five right now. And that's okay. I'm trying to stay in the mindset that this is temporary, and that I need to soak it up while it's here, because it is going to go fast.

The Thing I Keep Coming Back To

If there's one theme running through all of this, it's control. I have zero control over this baby, over this experience, over what any of it looks like. And the more I practice saying, I can't, and I don't need to, the more peaceful it gets. That's the whole thing, really with postpartum, and honestly with recovery in general. You don't need to know everything, monitor everything, or control everything for it to be okay.

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