I'm Pregnant! Why I Chose to Have Another & What This Pregnancy Has Looked Like

If you have been following me for a while, you might want to sit down for this one.

If you’re an "OG" listener of the podcast, you’ve heard me say it. I’ve said it to my family, my friends, and probably to random people in the grocery store: I am never having another baby.

I meant it. At the time, I was 100% certain. But today, I’m sitting here nearly nine months pregnant, and I’m finally ready to fill you in on how I got here, why I changed my mind, and the honest (sometimes brutal) reality of what this pregnancy has looked like.

The "One and Done" Narrative

To understand why this is such a shock, you have to know my history. I had my daughter, Amelia, seven and a half years ago. She wasn’t planned, and while she is the light of my life, motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks.

The first year of her life was a "mind-fuck" of unraveling. I felt like I sucked at being a mom. I felt like nothing came naturally to me. I was struggling with intense anxiety, and I didn't seek the support I needed. Instead, I "powered through" in a way that was incredibly unhealthy. Because of that experience, I drew a line in the sand: For the sake of my mental health, I can never do that again.

When the Universe Messes Up Your Plans

In September 2024, I met Patrick. You know when you meet someone and instantly think, "Oh no, this person is going to mess up all my plans"? That was him.

Falling in love after a divorce was terrifying, but it was also healing. About six months into our relationship, we had "the talk" about kids. Patrick was honest—he wanted a child with me.

I felt a massive wave of anxiety, panic, and curiosity all at once. I thought: Can I do this again? I’m almost 40—can I even get pregnant? Would I survive the postpartum period this time? But then, a new thought bubbled up: Maybe this time, I actually get to choose. This wasn't a surprise; it was a conscious decision made from a place of love and partnership.

The Reality of the "Trenches"

I wish I could tell you that this pregnancy has been a glowy, joyful experience. But I’ve always promised to give you the real, un-sugarcoated truth. This pregnancy has been incredibly hard.

I’ve been keeping this a secret for eight months because I’ve been trying to protect my energy. I had "morning sickness"—which is actually all-day nausea—from week 5 until week 25. I’ve dealt with anemia, pregnancy rhinitis, and exhaustion so deep that I don't know how I’ve kept my business running.

But the hardest part to share is this: For the first time in my life, I have felt depressed.

As someone who usually leans toward the "anxious" side, depression felt unfamiliar and scary. It felt like a deep lack of joy and hope, even though I knew logically that this was a happy event. Because I know the value of support, I got myself back into therapy quickly. It has been my lifeline.

Why This Time is Different

Even though I’ve felt physically and mentally worse this time around, there is one major difference: Self-Trust.

Years ago, when I was deep in panic disorder and agoraphobia, I couldn't imagine my life expanding like this. The "old me" would have said I wasn't capable of handling two kids. But recovery doesn't give you a guarantee that life will be easy; it gives you the willingness to trust yourself with whatever comes next.

I am so excited for this next chapter. I’m excited to see Patrick become a dad, and I’m so excited for Amelia to become a big sister to her little brother, Colin.

What’s Next?

I’m not going anywhere! A Healthy Push is staying right here. I’ll be sharing more about my labor and delivery preparations, my postpartum plan, and answering all your questions in upcoming episodes.

Thank you for holding space for me while I was in the trenches. If you’re navigating a big life change or a hard season, remember: You don't need certainty to move forward. You just need the courage to take the next healthy action.

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You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible and it’s closer than you think.

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