Flying Anxiety Explained: Why Flying Feels So Much Scarier Than Anything Else

Is flying the one thing that still feels 'impossible' in your recovery? I know exactly how that feels because I used to be the person who put flying on a massive pedestal. I’d tell myself, "Sure, I can handle the grocery store now, but a plane? That’s different. That’s the ultimate trap."

But here is what I’ve learned after 15 years of panic disorder and eventually finding my way back to the sky: Flying isn't a different category of fear. It’s just a bigger story.

Why Flying Feels "Different" (But Isn't)

When we struggle with agoraphobia or panic, we tend to categorize our fears. We have "safe" places, "maybe" places, and "absolutely not" places. Flying almost always lands in the "absolutely not" bucket.

We tell ourselves that anxiety on a plane is more dangerous because we are 30,000 feet in the air. But here’s the truth: The anxiety you feel on a plane is the exact same anxiety you feel in your living room. Your heart rate, your shallow breathing, and that "doom" feeling are all the same physiological response.

The only thing that changes is the story you tell yourself about being stuck.

Internal vs. External Stuckness

We often say, "I’m scared because I’m stuck on the plane." But if we’re honest, we can feel just as "stuck" in a long line at the bank or in a meeting at work. The "stuckness" isn't the plane door closing; it’s the internal stuckness.

It’s the belief that if panic shows up, you won’t be able to handle it. You think the panic will never end or that you’ll lose control. Once you realize that you can handle a panic attack anywhere—including Seat 14C—the "trap" of the airplane loses its power.

The Marathon of Anticipatory Anxiety

Most of the "work" of flying happens weeks before you even leave for the airport. This is the anticipatory anxiety. You are essentially living the flight over and over in your head, but only the horror-movie version.

By the time you get to the airport, your nervous system has already run a marathon. You’re overstimulated by the lights, the crowds, and the time pressure. Of course you feel like you’re on the edge of a panic attack! Your body has been "on" for days.

My Shift: From "Calm" to "Messy"

One of the biggest shifts for me was giving myself permission to fly imperfectly. I stopped trying to be the person who sits calmly and reads a book.

I decided it was okay to be the person crying at the gate. It was okay to be shaking while I handed my ticket to the flight attendant. I realized I didn't need to feel confident to be capable. I just had to get on the plane and let the anxiety come with me.

You Can Unlearn the Threat

Your brain has learned to associate flying with a life-or-death threat. But just like you learned that fear, you can unlearn it. It’s not about "conquering" the mountain; it’s about showing your nervous system, one flight at a time, that you can be uncomfortable and still be safe.

I’ve flown internationally, alone, and with my daughter. If you had told the 25-year-old version of me that this was possible, I would have laughed in your face. But it is possible for you, too.

ready to stop doing it alone?

Inside my 10-week program, Panic to Peace, I’ll guide you through this work step by step and you’ll be surrounded by people who truly get it.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible and it’s closer than you think.

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