Recovered & Rambling: Your Pregnancy Questions, Answered

What does recovery actually look like when life throws you the biggest curveball of all?

Brittany and I are back, and this one has been a long time coming. After months of keeping my pregnancy a secret, I'm finally sitting down to answer your questions — the real ones. Labor, postpartum, depression, mom guilt, hyper-independence, and what it actually looks like to hold yourself together when you can barely get off the couch. Nothing is off limits and nothing is sugarcoated.

Did My Anxiety History Make Me Question Having Another Baby?

Honestly? Not in the way you might think.

With Amelia, I wasn't planning on getting pregnant, so the question of whether my anxiety history would hold me back never really came up. This time, it was a conscious decision — and while there was definitely anxiety around it, it wasn't the disordered kind. It wasn't the what-ifs or the intense fears that used to run my life. It was normal, human anxiety about something enormous and unknown.

I think you reach a place in recovery where your past struggles just don't have the same grip on you anymore. The idea of not doing something because of the anxiety and panic I used to experience — that's just not where I live anymore. And if you're in the thick of it right now, I know that might sound impossible. But it really does happen.

How Has Anxiety Shown Up in This Pregnancy?

Here's the honest answer: it hasn't been anxiety that's made this pregnancy hard. It's been something I've never experienced before — depression.

As someone who has always leaned anxious, feeling depressed was completely unfamiliar and honestly terrifying. There was no chaotic energy, no racing thoughts — just a deep, heavy blah that settled in for months. Crying constantly. Not wanting to talk to anyone or go anywhere. Feeling completely unlike myself.

Add in nausea until week 25, anemia, exhaustion so deep I don't know how I kept my business running, and the loss of all the physical outlets I normally rely on — exercise, being outside, staying active — and yeah. This pregnancy has been incredibly hard.

What's helped? Getting back into therapy quickly. Leaning on my work and creativity as an outlet. And a whole lot of self-compassion.

Navigating It All With Amelia

This is the part that really gets me.

Amelia has seen me go from active, engaged, and present to the opposite of all of that — and she's felt it. She's smart. She knows. And the mom guilt has been relentless.

But she also reminded me recently that she was having fun on a day I was convinced I'd completely failed her. She said she always just wants to be with me. And I thought — thank God, because I really don't want to be with myself right now.

What I keep coming back to is everything I learned in recovery: self-compassion, letting yourself be human, and catching those stories before they spiral. I know I'm an amazing mom. Right now it just has to look how it looks. And that's okay.

Why I'm Actually Excited About Labor

I know. I sound insane.

But I would genuinely choose labor over pregnancy or postpartum every single time. My body knows what to do. There's a surrender to it that I actually find easier than the months of just trying to get through each day.

So much of what I learned in recovery applies here — giving up control, accepting what you can't change, staying present with the hard stuff instead of trying to escape it. Labor is the ultimate exercise in all of that.

Do I have hopes for how it goes? Yes. Am I going to be okay if it doesn't go that way? Also yes.

What I'm Most Anxious About: Postpartum

Postpartum is where I'm holding the most anxiety — and I think that makes sense.

The first time around I was white-knuckling through everything. I didn't ask for help. I tried to figure it all out alone. The perfectionism and hyper-independence were in full force, and it made everything so much harder.

This time, my expectations are different. I know it's going to be hard. I know the first few weeks are going to be survival mode. I know I need to actually let people help me — which, if you ask Patrick or my mom, I am still terrible at. But I'm working on it.

The thing that has me most anxious isn't the newborn stuff — it's navigating it all alongside Amelia. She's been my only child for almost eight years. This is a massive transition for her too, and I want to be there for her while also keeping a baby alive and taking care of myself. There's a lot to hold.

What Maternity Leave Actually Looks Like

I'll be honest — the podcast isn't stopping. I haven't missed an episode in four years and I'm not starting now. That's the perfectionist in me, and I've made peace with it.

Here's what will stay running:

• The podcast — episodes every week, no gaps

• My mini courses — always available

• Panic to Peace — opening again in the fall

• My private community — still active, just a little quieter from me for the first month or two

• My YouTube channel

What will look different is social media. I'm giving myself zero expectations there. The energy I have is going toward the things that actually matter to me — teaching, creating, connecting with my students. Social media will wait.

What I Want You to Hear If You're Scared to Expand Your Family

This is the one I really want you to sit with.

It makes sense to be scared. Becoming a parent, or becoming a parent again, is enormous. And when you're struggling with anxiety or agoraphobia, of course there's a voice that says you're not ready, you can't handle it, you need to wait until you're fully healed.

But here's what I really believe: you heal while you're living.

If something is deeply important to you, going toward it — even scared, even imperfect, even mid-recovery — can actually be part of the healing. I've worked with so many people who thought their anxiety meant they had to put their life on hold, and then they went toward the thing that mattered to them and it helped them grow in ways they never expected.

You don't have to be in a perfect, fully healed place to make big decisions. You just have to be taking healthy steps and be honest with yourself.

Don't hold yourself back from the life you want because of the anxiety you've had. You are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for.

ready to stop doing it alone?

Inside my 10-week program, Panic to Peace, I’ll guide you through this work step by step and you’ll be surrounded by people who truly get it.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible and it’s closer than you think.

Come hang out with me on Instagram → I'd love to connect with you!