"It Wasn't That Bad": Recognizing the Long-Term Effects of Family Dysfunction With EMDR & Somatic Therapist Jenn Shields

Are you struggling with chronic anxiety, people-pleasing, or a pervasive feeling of unsafety, even though you intellectually know your life is stable? You are not alone. In our latest episode of the Healthy Push Podcast, we sit down with EMDR and Somatic Therapist Jenn Shields to explore a topic so many people minimize: the subtle, yet profound, long-term impact of family dysfunction and how it lives within your nervous system.

If you often find yourself thinking, "My childhood wasn't that bad," this episode will offer powerful clarity and compassion.

Understanding "Quiet" Dysfunction: More Than Just Abuse

When we hear the term "family dysfunction," many of us default to images of overt abuse or neglect. But as Jenn Shields explains, the effects of a childhood environment that lacked emotional consistency or attunement can be just as damaging.

• Unmet Emotional Needs: Even if your material needs were perfectly met (food, school, shelter), if your caregivers struggled with their own emotional regulation, mental health, or addiction, they may not have been emotionally available to you.

• The Problem of Minimization: It’s common to dismiss these experiences because you had "a roof over your head." However, growing up without having your core emotional needs met—the need to feel safe, seen, and heard—can lead to deep-seated adult struggles.

The Adult Impact: When Old Patterns Take Over

So, how does that childhood stress show up in your life today? Jenn pinpoints several key long-term effects that often drive adults to seek therapy:

1. Relationship Challenges: A lack of clear boundaries, chronic people-pleasing, and difficulty knowing what you actually want or need.

2. Perfectionism & Overworking: The unconscious belief that "If I just do enough, I will be safe and loved."

3. A Dysregulated Nervous System: This is arguably the most significant effect. Without regulated caregivers, children don't learn how to self-regulate, leading to constant states of anxiety (sympathetic arousal/fight-or-flight) or shutdown (dorsal vagal/depression).

Expert Insight from Jenn Shields: "The more intensive the physiological symptoms and the bigger and more intense the feeling, that is a really good clue that it's old. This is a sign that this emotion was not met and responded to early on."

Healing in the Body: Why Anxiety is a Protector

In the conversation, Jenn dives deep into the body-based aspect of healing, utilizing her expertise in EMDR and somatic therapy.

• Chronic Anxiety: This is often the body's way of being hypervigilant—constantly scanning for danger, even when none exists. Your body is still operating as if it's in that chaotic childhood environment.

• The Need for Grief & Anger: Anxiety is frequently a protector part that masks deeper, unfelt emotions like grief and anger about what you didn't receive. Healing requires creating space to process these emotions safely.

• The Power of Slowing Down: For many survivors of dysfunction, the hardest work is simply learning how to rest and relax. This goes against years of conditioning that told you you had to work hard to be safe.

How to Start Building Internal Safety

If you recognize these patterns, the path forward starts with compassion and small, deliberate actions. Jenn recommends focusing on building your Internal Resources—the emotional figures you needed but didn't consistently receive:

• The Nurturer: Learning to soothe yourself (e.g., getting adequate rest, healthy food).

• The Protector: Learning to set boundaries and say "no" without guilt.

• The Wiseperson: Gaining perspective on challenges and making decisions rooted in your adult values.

Starting Point: Recognize that healing takes time. Be kind to yourself, grab a sip of water, and understand that you deserve to grieve the experiences that were "not that bad," yet still profoundly shaped you.

Follow Jenn Shields:

• Website: fullpotentialtherapy.ca

• Instagram: @fullpotentialtherapy_

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