Why Do I Struggle with Anxiety? A Look at 3 Major Contributors with Debbie Missud

Why Do I Struggle with Anxiety? (A Look at 3 Major Contributors)

Have you ever sat on your couch, heart racing for no apparent reason, and asked yourself: “Why am I like this?”

It is so easy to feel like your anxiety is a personal flaw or a sign that you’re "broken." We spend hours analyzing our thoughts, scrolling through social media, and trying to "intellectualize" our way out of panic. But the truth is, your anxiety didn't just appear out of thin air. It has roots and once you understand those roots, you can stop the cycle of self-blame.

I recently sat down with therapist Debbie Missud to talk about the "Big 3" factors that contribute to anxiety. While these aren't the only factors, they are the ones that help the most "aha" moments click into place.

Here is why your anxiety makes perfect sense.

1. Nervous System Sensitivity: Your Biological Wiring

Some of us are simply born with a "finely tuned" nervous system. What might be a minor stressor for one person feels like a high-voltage shock to another. This is called Nervous System Sensitivity.

If you are biologically wired this way, your body takes in neutral information from your environment and registers it as a threat. The mistake we make is villainizing this response. We tell ourselves, "I’m overreacting," or "I’m screwed because I’m just sensitive."The Shift: You can’t change your DNA, but you can change your relationship with it. When you stop shaming yourself for being sensitive, you lower the overall "volume" of the anxiety.

2. Early Childhood & "Little T" Trauma

Anxiety is often learned and reinforced. If you grew up in an environment that felt chaotic, unstable, or emotionally distant, you likely developed hypervigilance as a survival tool.

Maybe you didn’t experience "Big T" trauma (like a major catastrophe), but you might have experienced "Little T" trauma—like a lack of emotional attunement. If you felt you had to "perform" to be worthy of love, or if you had to brace yourself for a parent’s volatile mood, your brain learned that being on edge keeps you safe.

The Shift: Your anxiety was a protector back then. It did a great job. But now, you’re in a different environment, and you have to teach your brain that it’s finally safe to let its guard down.

3. Chronic Stress Without Recovery

We live in a "go, go, go" culture, and many of us are overachievers by nature. We stack our plates with work projects, social obligations, and life milestones, often without giving ourselves a second to breathe.

Debbie pointed out something crucial: Our bodies can’t always distinguish between "good" stress (like a wedding or a promotion) and "bad" stress. If you are experiencing chronic stress without any scheduled recovery, your nervous system eventually hits a breaking point. It stays in a permanent state of fight-or-flight because it’s waiting for the next ball to drop.

The Shift: Recovery isn't a luxury; it's a requirement. If you don't pick a time to rest, your body will eventually pick a time to panic.

Insight is Not the Same as Action

Understanding why you struggle is incredibly validating. It takes the weight off your shoulders and proves that you aren't "crazy." However, as Debbie reminded me: Insight is not the same as action.

You can know exactly why you’re anxious and still stay stuck. Healing happens when you take this new understanding and use it to change your behavior today. It means:

• Prioritizing basic self-care (sleep, food, less caffeine).

• Challenging the "shoulds" and perfectionism.

• Gradually doing the opposite of what the anxiety wants you to do.

You are not bound forever by the grips of your anxiety. It might be in the car with you, but you are the one driving.

Follow debbie:

@therapydebbie

@manhattanpsychotherapy

ready to stop doing it alone?

Inside my 10-week program, Panic to Peace, I’ll guide you through this work step by step and you’ll be surrounded by people who truly get it.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible and it’s closer than you think.

Come hang out with me on Instagram → I'd love to connect with you!