Welcome to a healthy push Podcast. I'm Shannon Jackson, former anxiety sufferer turned adventure mom and anxiety recovery coach. I struggled with anxiety, panic disorder and agoraphobia for 15 years. And now I help people to push past the stuff that I used to struggle with. Each week, I'll be sharing real and honest conversations, along with actionable and practical steps that you can take to help you push past your anxious thoughts, the symptoms, panic and fears. Welcome, you're right where you're meant to be.

Okay, let's talk about some mistakes you might be making while working to heal from anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. And I have to say, it was really hard to shorten this list to just five, I really thought of so many of the mistakes that I made on my own journey. And I also thought of the mistakes that I see clients and students that I work with making. And I created such a big list. But I've shortened it to just five, anything, these five are the big ones that I see most often. And they are the mistakes that cause a whole lot of harm, because they keep you stuck in spinning on this hamster wheel of fear and anxiety. All right, let's jump in. Because there's so much goodness that I want to get into with these five mistakes. Okay, number one, you're trying to become an expert on anxiety, rather than becoming an expert on you. So let me put it out there bluntly, you do not heal from anxiety, by reading all the books, and observing all of the information and becoming an expert on all things anxiety, like, don't get me wrong understanding and knowledge is super, super helpful. But at a certain point in your recovery journey, you really have to put down the books, you have to stop absorbing all the information that you can get your hands on, you have to stop thinking and believing that everyone can heal you that your therapist that your coach like they can do it all for you. And you really have to make a shift that's going to really help you to heal, which is going inward. And what I mean by this is you really have to stop running from the pain, right and start facing it, you have to stop trying to fight anxiety and figure it out. And you have to start allowing and accepting its presence. You have to stop allowing self doubt to steer the course of your entire life. And you have to begin betting on yourself and taking some really big and scary leaps. And you have to stop beating yourself up and get much better at being compassionate with yourself. And you have to stop constantly going and doing and you got to slow down and get quiet and really start listening to yourself. And of course, when I say stop, it doesn't really happen this way. Right? It's really hard just to stop doing these things. So what I mean by stopping right is you really have to slowly and very consciously and intentionally take lots of small steps that will pull you away from the not so healthy habits. And this is the stuff that I help my clients and my students do. I help them to go inward and really look inward. Because becoming an expert on you is what leads to the true healing like that long term, feel good. Trust yourself and feel safe in your body healing, which is I'm sure what you want, right? The long term healing that actually sticks around and you don't go a few months and say, Oh, holy things are great, things look great, and they feel great. And then bam, I'm right back. It feels like where I started. And, of course, I have to say here, I'm not telling you not to educate yourself. I'm not saying don't read anything, don't look at anything. And I'm definitely not saying drop your therapist drop your coach. However, I am encouraging you to go inward more. And really look at how you can build the trust within yourself. And doing this work is really what helps you to see just how much power you hold. And oftentimes a really good therapist or a really good coach like myself can help you to do this work. So I want to encourage you here at this first one, try to do your best to pull away from becoming an expert on anxiety and really start focusing on how can I become an expert on myself. Alright, number two, you're forcing yourself to face all of the hard stuff. But you're ignoring all the ways in which your nervous system isn't supported. I see this one all the time and it's one of the biggest mistakes that I see people making because you know they're making it because they really have been sold on this idea. That simply getting out there and facing their fears is the solution to conquering anxiety and panic disorder and agoraphobia. And they've been forcing themselves to do a lot of facing, but their nervous system is already so dysregulated. And in such a state of fight or flight, that it often makes it impossible for them to face the hard stuff. And so just getting out there and forcing yourself to do the thing is when your nervous system is incredibly overwhelmed and feeling really anxious, a lot of the times and experiencing a lot of panic attacks isn't going to be so helpful. So it's important to recognize stress and overwhelm. These are major contributors of anxiety and panic. And these things can lead to a very dysregulated nervous system. Other things that can also lead to a very dysregulated nervous system is simply not taking care of yourself, right, not having any sort of self care, not prioritizing sleep, not nourishing your body, like going back to the basics right of taking care of yourself, like these are all things that further just regulate your nervous system and add to the anxiety that you're already experiencing. So when you're just getting out there, and you're forcing yourself to face all the hard stuff and do the hard stuff, and you feel like, why is this not getting better? Why am I not getting better? Why does it feel like things are even harder, it's likely because your nervous system is really dysregulated. And you're not paying attention to those ways in which you can support yourself and your nervous system. So it's really important to take a step back and recognize you've got to support yourself, you've got to support your nervous system, because until you focus on that stuff and do that work, it's going to make facing the hard stuff dang near impossible. Okay, number three, and this is a big one. You're always analyzing why, like, why you feel anxious, why you had the symptom, why you had the panic attack, rather than accepting its anxiety, and then focusing on having a healthy response to it. So a lot of people who struggle with anxiety disorders are really good at analyzing and problem solving, and coming up with creative and even effective solutions. But unfortunately, with disordered anxiety, these skills are kind of the opposite of handy or helpful. These skills when you try to apply them to recovery and healing, they actually keep you stuck on this loop of anxiety and fear. But it makes sense, right? That we want to analyze because we're human. And we think if I can just figure it out, if I can just figure out why I feel like just why I had this symptom, I had the panic attack, I can then solve it, right, there's a solution. And we often spend so much time convincing ourselves, I can just figure it out, there's got to be a reason why. But it's so much more helpful when we just recognize anxiety exists, and it's popping up to protect us. And if we constantly just try to pick it apart and analyze it, rather than just making space for it and accepting its presence, it's going to continue to pop up and try to protect you. So what I mean by responding to it unhealthy way, right is actually making space for it. Like I said, actually letting yourself feel it, actually letting the anxiety be there. And so it's so so important to get away from analyzing not a really helpful skill when it comes to anxiety recovery. All right, number four, you're not giving yourself any grace for feeling anxious. Like I see this all the time. And what I mean by this is, you never let it be okay. When anxiety pops up, like even if it makes sense for anxiety to pop up. You're like, Nope, I can't feel this. I shouldn't be feeling this. Why am I feeling this again? What's wrong with me? You jumped down all the rabbit holes, right? Which thinking about it logically and rationally, when you're calm and not anxious? It just sounds so silly, right? Like why? Why am I not just letting it be okay, that I feel anxious. You know, I say all the time struggling with an anxiety disorder doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel anxious. I think we think the goal is always when you're struggling with an anxiety disorder. The goal is to always not feel anxious, and it's like, how is that realistic or even feasible as a human being, like, anxiety is an emotion right? You are going to feel it. And especially in some situations in places it makes sense that you feel anxious, like maybe for you. Historically, it's always been hard to be in crowded places in places that are very overstimulating, like at a concert or in a big mall or crowded events. Or Maybe for you it's really it's always When anxiety producing for you to present in front of people, you know, this is something for me, no, thank you get up in front of a room of 100 people, I will not enjoy any second of it. Or just when you're doing something that you don't often do, right, like flying on an airplane, you know, or hack flying and traveling can be anxiety producing in and of itself, because it's stressful. Like, there's so much about flying and traveling that stressful. So what I'm saying here is, you've got to give yourself some grace. And you've got to let yourself feel anxious, especially recognizing there are many situations in places that it will make sense when anxiety pops up. But I also want to say, even when it doesn't make any sense, even when you're like, I'm just standing in line at the grocery store, I'm just, you know, going to pick up my child from school. Like, even when it doesn't make any sense for anxiety to be there logically, it's still okay to feel it, it's still okay to make space for it, and let anxiety be there. So you got to give yourself grace. That's such a big one. Okay, number five, you're trying to heal perfectly. This was me, all of these were honestly me. But this is another one that I see often, you know, people who are working to recover from an anxiety disorder typically struggle with some perfectionism. And perfectionism is a protector. It's just like anxiety, it's trying to protect you from something. And the tricky thing is with trying to heal perfectly is that it's just not really even possible. It's not feasible, you cannot heal perfectly. And when you try to get it all and do it all quote, right? Like, maybe you convince yourself, right, I can't do this, I can't do this safety waiver, I shouldn't do this, or, you know, is this right? am I responding in the right way? Gosh, how overwhelming, right? And the reality is, there is no quote, right? There is no step by step plan, there is no do it this way, and do this and this, and then you're going to heal. Like, you really have to let yourself be human while you're working to heal, you have to let go of perfectionism. You have to really let yourself make mistakes. And that's how you actually heal is letting yourself just make mistakes, let yourself make decisions, you're not going to make all the right decisions. And that's fine, you will still arrive at a place of healing. And this was so true for me, like I went so long trying to do it all perfectly. And when I really looked at okay, maybe I don't have to do it all perfectly. And how can I sort of throw away this idea that it all has to look a certain way, that's when things started to feel so much easier. And that's when I actually started to experience the healing. So I want to share a little story with you because I think it touches on a lot of the things that I've talked about here. And this is from one of my panic to B students. And she shared this in our private Facebook group. And I just loved so much about this. So she shared that she went to a professional hockey game with her family. And she said this definitely would have been anxiety producing even before the anxiety disorders started. She said, you know, crowds are hard, stimulating environments are hard. Like these things are often anxiety producing for a lot of people, people who don't even struggle with an anxiety disorder. So she shared with everyone how it went. And she said, was it perfect? No, I had one tub of Emergency Medicine in my purse and I was with my husband. And while I didn't need the medicine and my husband wasn't aware I was anxious. These are technically two safety reassurances for me. I also got out of my row a few minutes early and watch the game from the top in order to avoid the mad dash of people who would push and crowd as soon as the game was over. But you know what, I really don't care that it wasn't quote perfect. She goes on to say so much of traditional CBT therapy can make you feel guilty about not doing everything just so if you do something quote halfway aka with a safety behavior, you have failed even if you enjoyed yourself, but what I'm learning is that the most basic part of this process for her is recognizing what it feels like to live while eliminating any shame around what my living looks like. Because the truth is inside that crowded arena of 1000s of people, every single person was carrying something inside of them that they wish was a little different. So there is no perfect anyhow. Here is to living however it looks for you You and gosh, dang, that makes me emotional. Just reading it. It is so freakin beautiful. Like we do so much through these healing journeys convinced ourselves that it has to look a certain way. And we have to, quote, get it right. And it's, it's not about this, it's really learning, we can do this all imperfectly, and we can still find joy and happiness, and we can still find healing and the process and really eliminating the shame of what it all looks like. And she's so Right, right, like everywhere in everyday life, people are walking around with things that they're struggling with and wish that things looked a little bit differently. And that's okay, that's just the reality of the human experience. And I just thought this was beautiful. I really love how she approached this and just how she handled the anxiety and just so, so good. And I got to throw in a sixth one, because I just could not eliminate this one. So here's a little bonus one. You're giving credit to everyone and everything for working through the anxious moments. And you fail to recognize and see that you are the one who has always worked through every anxious moment in every panic attack.

I think this is so common, right? We give credit like, thank goodness, my partner is with me, thank goodness my mom was with me, thank goodness someone was available to talk to me on the phone, thank goodness somebody was with me. You know, then goodness for I have that safety object, all the things and we don't recognize No, like, nobody. And nothing can work through those feelings for you. You have always handled it. Not your mom, not your dad, not your spouse, not that object you can rely on and trust yourself and you've always been able to handle it on your own. And it's so important that you recognize and see you are so freakin strong. You are so capable and so powerful and so amazing. Okay, I think this is such a good place to end. So, until next time, keep taking healthy action. I hope you enjoyed this episode of a healthy push. If you want more, head on over to a healthy push.com for the show notes and lots more tips, tools and inspiration that will support your recovery. And if you're hoping for me to cover a certain topic, be sure to join my Instagram community at Aldi push and let me know in the comments what you want to hear next.