DBT, Accepting Difficult Feelings, & Creating a Life Worth Living With Avery Hall
On this episode of A Healthy Push, we explore a form of therapy that teaches you skills so that you can have a healthier relationship with your emotions, healthier relationships, and all around a more fulfilling life!
I was joined by Avery Hall to chat about Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an evidence-based therapy that combines cognitive behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices.
Avery is a psychotherapist based in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, who works primarily with DBT, though she also brings in tools from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), and some attachment-based stuff. Basically, Avery's got a big toolbox for helping people work through life’s challenges! One of the things she focuses on is supporting emotionally sensitive people—whether it's helping parents, partners, or individuals themselves understand and embrace emotional sensitivity.
So, What the Heck is DBT Anyway?
If you're thinking, "Wait, what even is DBT?"—don’t worry, you’re in good company! Avery explained it so well. DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It's a type of therapy that emerged from CBT but took a slightly different route. It was specifically designed for people who found traditional CBT (which focuses on changing your thoughts and behaviors) a bit inaccessible. Maybe you've been in that boat: you've tried to "think differently" but it just didn’t work. DBT recognizes that sometimes you need a different approach—especially if you struggle to regulate those big emotions.
DBT is all about finding a balance between two seemingly opposite things: acceptance and change. It teaches you to accept your emotions as they are, while also giving you practical skills to manage them better. It's like finding a middle path, not forcing yourself to always be okay, but also not letting the emotions completely take over.
The Core DBT Skills
Avery walked me through the four core skills that DBT helps you develop. Here’s a quick rundown:
Distress Tolerance: This is all about tolerating difficult feelings without making things worse. Imagine you’re at an "8 out of 10" on the anxiety scale. It’s not about immediately dropping to a zero, but more about bringing that intensity down to a place where you can manage it and make thoughtful decisions. Avery described distress tolerance as learning to be okay in the middle of the storm without adding more chaos to the mix. She shared this powerful analogy: imagine you're being chased down a dark alley, and someone asks you to "think differently." Um, no thanks! You're in full survival mode. DBT acknowledges this and helps bring you out of that panic state so that other skills can kick in.
Emotion Regulation: After learning to tolerate distress, the next step is figuring out how to change those difficult emotions. This means understanding why you feel what you feel and using tools to bring more balance into your emotional experience.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: How do you communicate what you need and maintain healthy relationships? This skill is about being able to express your emotions effectively without pushing people away or shutting down.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness is really the foundation of DBT. It’s about being present and acknowledging what’s happening inside of you and around you—without trying to immediately change it. It’s about understanding what you’re feeling, naming it, and not judging it. Mindfulness helps you slow down enough to identify what’s actually going on, which is huge when everything usually just feels like “anxiety.”
Individual vs. Group DBT
Avery also explained how DBT can be done in both individual therapy and group settings. In a group setting, it's not really about processing personal trauma; instead, it’s a skills class. You’re there to learn. The group format provides a sense of community—you see others trying out these skills, and it’s motivating and encouraging. Plus, knowing you’re not alone in these struggles helps so much with the shame that often accompanies emotional dysregulation.
This conversation with Avery was an incredible reminder that our emotions aren’t something to fight or fix—they're something to understand and work with. If you'd like to hear more of this conversation, be sure to check out the full episode, or connect with Avery on her Instagram linked below!
Connect with Avery
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